mixed emotions

it's already 12:28 in my time, Dec 9, 2006 and missed writing in this blog before 12.

Anyway... Friday was supposed to be dedicated for our Filipi2 project. We were supposed to go to our professor's house in cavite today to show the video presentation that "we" did... So, last night... (referring to Dec 7) I asked pole what time will we be going to meet. She told me that we will be meeting @ la salle at around 11am... so went there a little bit late and received her text that we will be meeting at 1 in greenhills instead. So i asked jove and mc to accompany me at starbucks... we had our bonding moments... shared stories and stuff.... but i had to leave early since I have a meeting at 1pm at greenhills starbucks.... I left la salle starbucks at around 12:45pm... i had a feeling that they will be late anyway... I also told mc that i'll be back by 7 at la salle to have an UBE(Ultimate bonding experience) with her.....

So took the LRT and MRT.. followed pole's instruction to go to greenhills commute. I asked the jeepney driver if he knew where I was supposed to go and agreed to tell me when we have reached starbucks greenhills. And the driver didn't actually tell me.... I had a feeling that the starbucks pole mentioned was the one in the greenhills shopping center however.. i hesitated to go down since i was expecting the driver to tell me that "this is it."

I did not go down the jeepney until I saw a starbucks store... cause he told me that it was on the other side... I came from robinsons so when we reached the greenhills shopping center... it was on our side so i didn't go down... I was able to reach madison something... and there was a starbucks on the other side... i told the driver "para" and just went down.

When I was able to get to starbucks... I called up pole and told her the place and told her i'm there already. Gave the phone to marbie and said that it was not the starbucks that they had in mind. Technically I was lost, I went back to the same side i was in before and walked towards the direction of all the vehicles passing by... I reached the end of the street and asked a MMDA officer if there were any starbucks store beyond the intersection...

He told me that the only starbucks' in greenhills were the one near xavier and at the greenhills shopping mall... so called up pole again and asked her if was it in the greenhills shopping mall... and she said yes... And I was so exhausted by then...

So rode a jeepney again until I reached the greenhills shopping mall.... I was there by around 2pm already.... told pole about it and told me to just wait for them there. I looked for a store that sells smokes and just tried to explore the mall since it was my first time there... i think. it was already 3pm and the project wasn't finished yet. All i did was to wander around the mall.. checking out the stores and stuff... going out to smoke and everything a person alone and with no one to talk to could do... I tried looking for caps and wallets since I have been planning to but them more than a month ago... but I remembered... I didn't bring any cash and my mom does not know that I am in greenhills so I definitely can't use my credit cards... (I have 4 but I only bring 2)

It was already 5:30 and still had no idea where my groupmates are and what they are doing and since cavite is really far and it's already evening... I can't go with them anymore. So I just went back to la salle starbucks to meet mc... I also texted nyx but she said she didn't have any money so she didn't join us. Next time.....

MC and I bonded from 7:30 - 10-30... we left starbucks at 10 and ate at KFC (we were the last customers) until 10:30... I also saw Rykiel and she was showing me how many stamps more she needed (it was 6 but she bought another drink so... she was doen to 5)before she get's her planner. I'm was so green with envy.. haha.... Then I went to greenbelt to meet my barkada.. so that they won't label me tonight as the "dakilang indyanero." Went home by 11:50pm.. now I am home...

During our(MC and I) UBE... we were able to get to tell our stories and encouraged each other about the problems that we had... one of the things I will never forget that she told me was "NEVER PRIORITIZE THE PEOPLE WHO THINK OF YOU ONLY AS THEIR OPTION." This is so true... and I really hope I can apply this soon... I'm still not sure if i can really do it.... I really want everybody to be my friend and I really want everybody to think of me as their friend.

Yesterday (Dec 7) Nyx and I had our own UBE and I really cried my heart out.. She read me like my life story and personality was written all over my face. She made me realize that I try to please everybody and that by not being able to do that, I easily get hurt... She told me that I was too much of an idealist... it's true and Mc told me almost the same things...

I still feel down in a way since a lot of things happened to me this term... I knew this term was going to be hell... one thing's for sure... i'm gonna fail intract (intro to accounting)... i became so irresponsible this term... I had a lot to deal with and nobody to talk to at all...

(i think only clang, mc and nyx will be able to relate) I did everything I could but it just happened and there's nothing else I could do other than think positive and hope for the best. I know I will be happy someday and I know I will be sharing my happiness with you guys... love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway... now, i can really see myself 5 years from now very successful.

then again....

Nyx, you are right... I have to stop thinking about what will happen a few years from now and focus on what is now.... And i am already starting to do that... I know I will have you guys no matter what.... I can at least breathe easy and won't have to face everything on my own... I WOULD DIE FOR MY FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT... thanks!

MC, whatever happens... I will always be here for you.... and I know that you will always be here for me as well.... thanks! Now, I won't have to think of killing myself and do stuff that would make my life worse... Thanks for encouraging me and telling me that I will find what I am looking for soon....

Clang, we haven't been able to talk for a few days now. I know you're busy but I also know that you wanted me to be really happy... thanks for all the support....