lessons learned

so much for the second day of classes... a lot of things happened today....

well, i went to school at around 8am to attend my first class... so far... i had no problems with my firt 4 classes... they need a lot of work but not as laborious as my MOBICOM and APPSDEV... for my COMPETH class, we will be doing research about computer ethics and some class presentation. i'll try to do my best in that one... next was my DIG-MED class, basically... we are going to do multimedia stuff... i can do good in that also... then my ENGLTRI class... we will be doing some research and do speeches.... i want to do good in that course as well... STRAMIS on the other hand tackles strategic management in IT... it will need some work but I'll try to do my best in that subject as well...

So far, those are the subjects that does not make me nervous... on the other hand... i feel scared with MOBICOM.. which will tackle mobile computing and A LOT OF PROGRAMMING... it would have been fine if it was only one subject... however... i also have APPSDEV in which we will also do some HARDCORE programming.... it just scares me because i am not a software technology major and i'm not equiped with the skills i need to pass those courses without exerting a tremendous amount of effort.... so basically... i'm in no place to cram... i hope that my starbucks planner would be enough for me to be able to work really hard on those two subjects...

anyway... by the end of my APPSDEV class.. i felt really weak... i had no idea what to do... it's really scary since most of the people i know.... even the GEEKAZOIDS planned to drop or already dropped MOBICOM.... i'm just scared.... i don't want to drop it anymore since i already failed one subject last term... and it would mean that i will be delayed if i drop it since i have no plans of getting a new subject in place of MOBICOM....

but i got really pissed with someone... well sort of... it was just mixed emotions... after APPSDEV and after talking to my friends... i went down in agno to smoke once again... due to the pressure i felt with the things i have to deal with this term.... then went to GP to say goodbye to some of my barkada there.... the girls were gone and the boys were playing billards....

i planned to go home already but nyx texted me... i planned to just go home and tell her i want to rest... but i saw her walking in agno and noticed that i was in a bad mood... well... i tried to not talk about it... but eventually... we decided to go to starbucks and just talk.... there are a lot of things that i discovered i never thought i would do to other people.... but was doing it.... again, it's about my love life...

"i don't know what to say... you don't know what i'm doing... nyx told me that in the things that i do.. i try to blame you... i never realized that until now... i'm a bit ashamed of the things i have done... nyx told me that it was just normal since i didn't know i was blaming everything on you already.... but i still feel ashamed about it... i admit... i envy you and the person you like... i always wish that it was me instead... i try to avoid you thinking that maybe i will forget about you... i actually thought that i have moved on a few weeks back... but i guess i haven't... i don't really know when i will move on... i wish it was that easy.... well, i assume you never liked me anyway and i have no right to blame you for all the things happening in my life... i'm really sorry... i try to use my head next time....

i promised myself that i would act mature and just be myself starting this year... i was not able to do that... i don't know why i can't accept the fact that you don't like me... but i am already trying... i actually don't know if i ever had and have a chance to gain your trust and your love... most of the things here are just assumptions... one sided... i can't ask you since... i don't think i am prepared with the things you are going to say.... i'm really scared...

i want to start all over again... i need to be mature at handling this... at least.. i will try... of course i'm an emotional person and most likely... my emotions might take over sometimes.... but i will really do my best... i want to be your friend... we started as good friends anyway... i want to win your heart by just being me...

but even if i wont get it... i will be happy for you... i was the last time... and i do really hope to meet the love of my life soon if it won't be you...

nyx does not believe in destiny and she told me that you choose your own destiny... and you will be the one to choose who will be the one for you.... and right now... i choose you... but i am not gonna expect you to choose me if you don't think i am the one for you..."

Anyway... going out of the heart related topic.... i'm just excited since it was my very first time to ride the new LRT train... nothing really special about it except for the fact that it's new and it was my first time riding it.... and also... well.. another things... i finally placed a mark at DLSU.. sports complex to be exact.. hahaha... i am one of those people who considers it as their territory as well....

Anyway... i want to thank nyx and eshie for a good conversation today... i should really focus on my academics right now.... i know i can do it.... i won't chicken out just like those who dropped MOBICOM....