untitled feeling

it has been a while since the last time i have blogged. i just felt lazy to blog these past few days because i was really really down.

like what i have noticed... a lot of things can happen in a day... these things could actually change your life forever.... or it could be just the start or end of another phase....
for the past 2 months... everything just seemed too complicated.... but in reality... it was just me that was complicating things that aren't supposed to be. actually... up until now.. that's what i am doing...

but so far... i'm really trying my best to keep everything simple... and i have started to stop expecting anything from anybody... it's really useless in my case...
i am trying to change my perspective... but not because somebody wants me to, i just want to.... i will still be myself... only better...

to everyone who hates me... i couldn't care less about you.... if you can't accept me for who i am... why the hell should i do everything just to please you... you are on your own... i will always be like this because this is me... i know i will meet people that can accept me for who i am... there are a lot of people in this world....

there are some things that i wanted to keep private for the rest of my life... stuff that i wanted to bring with me to the grave... but it eventually got out... i can't say that i regret telling it to most people since at this point in time i am happy to have told it to some already.... i feel much closer to them already.... it's just that i expected too much from the people i spent most of my time with. ever since, i somehow felt outcast... but i really tried my best to be part of it... and i tried not to quit since that was what i was good at ever since. i didn't quit because there was a part of me telling me that "maybe the reason why you feel so alone is that you couldn't tell anyone anything."

everything is out and still no change... so what's the use... i'm tired of waiting for nothing....

i'm not closing my mind about this issue since one day... everything could change... but i guess it's time for me to just move on with my life already... i shouldn't waste my time sitting on a corner silently waiting for someone to actually get to know me more....



return to what is real..... c'est la vie!