In Between Heaven and Hell

BLOG MOVED!!!

2007-03-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

i have moved my blog to a new location.....

which will be secret for the mean time but i have don't really care if you stumble upon one of these days... just please respect my decision not to tell anybody about it and everything else written or rather typed in there.....

thanks!

2007-02-11T22:48:00.000+08:00

i started watching God save our king in animax at may.. and i got hooked... but i stopped after the first season... now that i got the whole series with me.... i watched it over the weekend and i love this anime!!!

untitled feeling

2007-02-06T21:19:00.000+08:00

it has been a while since the last time i have blogged. i just felt lazy to blog these past few days because i was really really down.

like what i have noticed... a lot of things can happen in a day... these things could actually change your life forever.... or it could be just the start or end of another phase....
for the past 2 months... everything just seemed too complicated.... but in reality... it was just me that was complicating things that aren't supposed to be. actually... up until now.. that's what i am doing...

but so far... i'm really trying my best to keep everything simple... and i have started to stop expecting anything from anybody... it's really useless in my case...
i am trying to change my perspective... but not because somebody wants me to, i just want to.... i will still be myself... only better...

to everyone who hates me... i couldn't care less about you.... if you can't accept me for who i am... why the hell should i do everything just to please you... you are on your own... i will always be like this because this is me... i know i will meet people that can accept me for who i am... there are a lot of people in this world....

there are some things that i wanted to keep private for the rest of my life... stuff that i wanted to bring with me to the grave... but it eventually got out... i can't say that i regret telling it to most people since at this point in time i am happy to have told it to some already.... i feel much closer to them already.... it's just that i expected too much from the people i spent most of my time with. ever since, i somehow felt outcast... but i really tried my best to be part of it... and i tried not to quit since that was what i was good at ever since. i didn't quit because there was a part of me telling me that "maybe the reason why you feel so alone is that you couldn't tell anyone anything."

everything is out and still no change... so what's the use... i'm tired of waiting for nothing....

i'm not closing my mind about this issue since one day... everything could change... but i guess it's time for me to just move on with my life already... i shouldn't waste my time sitting on a corner silently waiting for someone to actually get to know me more....

return to what is real..... c'est la vie!

ending the third week

2007-01-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

a lot of things happen in a day... definitely a lot more in a week... and so on...

it has been a while since the last time i blogged.... one of the reasons being is that our internet connection was just restored yesterday. i was not able to access most of the sites yesterday so i was not able to blog.

then... i have been busy with a lot of things and i am still overwhelmed by it.... i want to shift out of CCS already!!!! i admit.. i don't want to exert any effort in college and i want to graduate without any hassle at all.... or at least... i would be able to do what i like so much.... film and photography... i really really really want to shift to Communication Arts unfortunately... i can feel that my mom would just be frustrated if i tell her that and i only have one more year left before i graduate. it would definitely be a waste if i shift out of CCS... oh well

anyway... since the last time i blogged, a lot of things had happened... one of the most memorable experiences was being locked outside louie's condo on the open air wing.... we were 6... it was mark, ralph, averee, mikki, kel, and i..... we were there for 3 hours.... it was a really frustrating experience... on the other side was wale and marica... they got locked out of the room which has access to opening the lock to our side..... before our three hour stay trying to open the door with everything we've got... omar and the gang went there to help wale on the other side to open the door.... after we all got out, the boys immediately left... and they were pissed.

next experience was with Joline's birthday bash in Cenadu bar.... i got really really drunk and well... cried my heart out.... once again... to the gang.... it was more of a confirmation with all the things that they had thought about. went home at around 3 with a small hole in the lower part of my favorite pants due to the cigarette i was holding during the UBE session with them. CRAP!!! it was my favorite pair of jeans.... but i can still use it actually... since you won't notice it if you don't look at it closely... harharhar.....

and just when i thought that everything was going smoothly.... there were some misunderstanding with my statement yesterday to kim. my statement was somewhat just a joke. but i think the people involved somehow took it seriously and everything was a total disaster.... AAAARG!!!

to the people involved... I REALLY AM SORRY!!!!!!!! i don't know how this will end up tomorrow but i do hope that i can get this fixed.... i actually planned to leave already... never to show my face again... but ralph just told me... "Ikaw ang center ng issue and ikaw lang ang makaka ayos nito... tapos ngayon mo pa kami iiiwan..." So fine, I will fix this once and for all tomorrow... i told him that... but after tomorrow... i'm too ashamed to go back already.... One of the things i hate the most is for people to fight over something i have said... and that is just what I did... and i really hate myself for opening my stupid mouth....

Then i talked to Marga about it... and somehow, she was able to state that I am a quitter.... with i have been doing since forever.... I'm actually good at it..... she has been an inspiration to me lately... although i still don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow after everyone involved has talked about this issue... I was actually enjoying my time with those who were left in GP up until 8:30... and i really don't want to leave... however... being the pessimistic me... who is an extreme idealist and expect to much from people.... uhm... well.... i'm still considering to leave so that i will never have to hurt anyone or say anything bad in my barkada ever again since they are the only family i've got right now.

Our peer groups consists of people with different personalities... some I'm really scared of since so far i've known them to be good at holding grudges and pretend that everything is fine.... but whatever their personality is... i still and will always love my barkada... i really hope that this is just a phase....

"And to you my friend, I have managed to not even talk to you when not needed and somehow it has made me move on... sort of... well at least i can say that my world does not revolve around you anymore... it would still be nice if i can have you... but at the same time... i feel that by staying like this.. it would be better for the both of us.... I hope that you find that special someone of yours soon...

and to my other barkada.....

I've known you these past few weeks and I am really happy whatever the outcome of this event happening right now... i've told you already even before i really got to know you that i really meant everything that i said. we may not be that close but i have nothing to hide anymore... the things that happened last saturday during ina's debut was all i really needed to be happy and to take some thorns out from my heart. i hope to get a brighter tomorrow... and i know that i will... I REALLY WISH YOU THE BEST!!!! and make sure you don't get hurt the second time... harharhar....(now i am conscious with my words and i hope you don't interpret it as being sarcastic or what the way some had...)"

To everyone, I'm not the type of person who wants to see people fight over some stupid remark over by me.... I have to admit that I felt a bit relax that's why i said that statement last yesterday... It was really nothing and I somehow was not able to send the real message and was misunderstood... I don't like seeing people hurt... or at least.. getting hurt because of me...

I REALLY AM VERY SORRY FOR EVERYTHING....

2nd week of the term

2007-01-15T18:20:00.000+08:00

i'm still here in the EA office since i don't have internet at home.... i don't know when our connection will be back... i can't do anything.. i can't do research.. upload pictures and everything....

anyway.. nothing much happened today except that i went to class and went to GP...

"i don't know what i should do but maybe it's just lust that i feel for you... love does not exist! especially in my case..."

it's been a while

2007-01-15T12:17:00.000+08:00

so much for my blogging... i couldn't blog as much since we don't have internet at home... something is wrong with the telephone cable and it seems that it will take a little bit longer to fix....

anyway.. last thursday.. after i got home... sleepy and all... i just remembered that i forgot my keys so i couldn't get in the house and nobody was home so i walked to starbucks magallanes and just spent a few hours there until i am sure that evreyone was home already so that i could get in...

last friday.. i only had one class, so i spent my afternoon in GP.. waiting for someone who never came... oh well....

last saturday... i didn't have anything to do and was looking for people to invite to hang out with unfortunately.. i was not able to find someone who didn't have any plans at all... so i just went to the office in microsoft to look for people to spend time with... got really bored during the orientation of those who plan to volunteer for the vista launch.... after that... jove, riva, popoy, jolenz, rykiel, their friends and i just went to starbucks to hang out...

after a while.. we went to the park down g4 to have some chit chats... my cousin then texted me and asked me if i was available to look for chics... haha... unfortunately... we were not able to get any....

then i just had a change in perspective... and someone got really pissed when i told her most of the things that i plan to do... oh well...

sunday came and nothing really happened... didn't do much... i was a total bum...

tired and weary

2007-01-11T17:06:00.000+08:00

so far for my thursday... i woke up at around 6:30am... but i got out of bed at around 7.. sort of.... i felt really tired and i'm not really used to having 8am classes... i got out of the house at around 7:45 already... by the time i got to the LRT station... there was a really long line on halt... i got really nervous coz i didn't want to be late on my COMPETH class...

i got to school at around 8:10 am in my watch and i literally ran from the LRT station to my building which was half way between Vito Cruz Station and Quirino station... i got to our room and the teacher still was not around. after a few minutes... jester announced that our professor won't be able to attend our class.... and it really irritated me since i could have spent a few more hours in bed... and i didn't have to run just to get to the class room on time....

after that, i invited jim and rech to go with me to greenplace... did some sort of bonding... well.. just chit chats.. haha.... went to class at 9:40... we had our first lesson and stuff.... it was dig-med and we just had some lecture.... then i went to my engltri class... it was sooooooooooooooooooooooo boring!!!! and i was really hungry by that time... out professor dismissed us exactly on time and i had only 10 mins to eat my lunch (which was kikiam) and smoke fast... after consuming my stick, i ran back in order not to be late on my stramis class... i shouldn't have hurried since it was not yet time after all.... anyway... we had fun in our stramis because we were grouped together and had 2 games for the whole period... went back to GP for 20 mins and back to gox again to attend my appsdev class...

appsdev still scares me because of what we need to do just to pass the freaking course!!! anyway... i was called during the recitation and well... sort of answered... anyway.. after that.. i decided to go to GP... on my way.. i met edgar and nene.... finally showed him the letter someone asked me to show him and burned it afterwards... he read it in GP... haha.... i did my part...

after that... edgar and nene immediately left since they still had some things to do... i went to our table and bought food.... i felt sleepy and decided to go home... i'm currently in the EA office one more doing this blog since i am not sure if i have internet connection at home already...

"maybe we are meant for each other, maybe we're not.. i don't really know... and i think that this time.. i really am finally learning to let you go.. i know i have stopped blaming you already for all the things i have done to myself because i couldn't accept the fact that.. well.. you must have not liked me at all... i'm actually looking forward to meeting someone new on saturday.... haha... i have to admit that i still want to see you but at the same time... it would not matter if i did see you or not...

i told someone yesterday that maybe if i get everything i need to make my move on you... i definitely well.. but as of now... i don't really plan to... but...i just realized that everything can change in a year... unexpected things can happen in a month... and life changing event could actually happen in a week.... so... well... i'm saying good luck to myself.. and i wish you all the best...."

wednesday shopping

2007-01-10T19:04:00.000+08:00

i'm currently at the EA office of La Salle since i have internet connection problems at home. anyway... i woke up today @ around 10 because i agreed to assit jove in giving the medals to makati science... we were able to meet at around 12:30 at the Guadalupe MRT station. we went to maksci then i was able to talk to some of my formet teachers... we went to rockwell afterwards... i planned to buy a new pair of shoes today... although i only had a budget of 2000 or less.. and i was not able to buy there.. most of the items were more than php 3000...

we went to glorietta afterwards... we first went to starbucks in greenbelt 3 and just had some chit chat... at around 4... we started looking for shoes again... i was able to buy at the SM department store... FILA was on sale... i bought my pair of shoes in SM since they didn't have a bigger size in glorietta...

then jove had a meeting at six so she went back to la salle after that.. my mom and i had planned to buy some hosehold stuff today but she was still in ortigas and since it was averee's birthday today.. i decided to go to la salle to greet her....

i just came from GP actually... nyx couldn't make it since she had something academic related to do... anyway... that's just about it... i wil be going home in a while since i still have a lot of things to do... assignements for tomorrow... now that i have failed a subject.. i think it's time for me to take things seriously...

"i still like you and i wish i saw you today... but at the same time... i don't want to see you because........ aaarg!!!"

lessons learned

2007-01-09T20:16:00.000+08:00

so much for the second day of classes... a lot of things happened today....

well, i went to school at around 8am to attend my first class... so far... i had no problems with my firt 4 classes... they need a lot of work but not as laborious as my MOBICOM and APPSDEV... for my COMPETH class, we will be doing research about computer ethics and some class presentation. i'll try to do my best in that one... next was my DIG-MED class, basically... we are going to do multimedia stuff... i can do good in that also... then my ENGLTRI class... we will be doing some research and do speeches.... i want to do good in that course as well... STRAMIS on the other hand tackles strategic management in IT... it will need some work but I'll try to do my best in that subject as well...

So far, those are the subjects that does not make me nervous... on the other hand... i feel scared with MOBICOM.. which will tackle mobile computing and A LOT OF PROGRAMMING... it would have been fine if it was only one subject... however... i also have APPSDEV in which we will also do some HARDCORE programming.... it just scares me because i am not a software technology major and i'm not equiped with the skills i need to pass those courses without exerting a tremendous amount of effort.... so basically... i'm in no place to cram... i hope that my starbucks planner would be enough for me to be able to work really hard on those two subjects...

anyway... by the end of my APPSDEV class.. i felt really weak... i had no idea what to do... it's really scary since most of the people i know.... even the GEEKAZOIDS planned to drop or already dropped MOBICOM.... i'm just scared.... i don't want to drop it anymore since i already failed one subject last term... and it would mean that i will be delayed if i drop it since i have no plans of getting a new subject in place of MOBICOM....

but i got really pissed with someone... well sort of... it was just mixed emotions... after APPSDEV and after talking to my friends... i went down in agno to smoke once again... due to the pressure i felt with the things i have to deal with this term.... then went to GP to say goodbye to some of my barkada there.... the girls were gone and the boys were playing billards....

i planned to go home already but nyx texted me... i planned to just go home and tell her i want to rest... but i saw her walking in agno and noticed that i was in a bad mood... well... i tried to not talk about it... but eventually... we decided to go to starbucks and just talk.... there are a lot of things that i discovered i never thought i would do to other people.... but was doing it.... again, it's about my love life...

"i don't know what to say... you don't know what i'm doing... nyx told me that in the things that i do.. i try to blame you... i never realized that until now... i'm a bit ashamed of the things i have done... nyx told me that it was just normal since i didn't know i was blaming everything on you already.... but i still feel ashamed about it... i admit... i envy you and the person you like... i always wish that it was me instead... i try to avoid you thinking that maybe i will forget about you... i actually thought that i have moved on a few weeks back... but i guess i haven't... i don't really know when i will move on... i wish it was that easy.... well, i assume you never liked me anyway and i have no right to blame you for all the things happening in my life... i'm really sorry... i try to use my head next time....

i promised myself that i would act mature and just be myself starting this year... i was not able to do that... i don't know why i can't accept the fact that you don't like me... but i am already trying... i actually don't know if i ever had and have a chance to gain your trust and your love... most of the things here are just assumptions... one sided... i can't ask you since... i don't think i am prepared with the things you are going to say.... i'm really scared...

i want to start all over again... i need to be mature at handling this... at least.. i will try... of course i'm an emotional person and most likely... my emotions might take over sometimes.... but i will really do my best... i want to be your friend... we started as good friends anyway... i want to win your heart by just being me...

but even if i wont get it... i will be happy for you... i was the last time... and i do really hope to meet the love of my life soon if it won't be you...

nyx does not believe in destiny and she told me that you choose your own destiny... and you will be the one to choose who will be the one for you.... and right now... i choose you... but i am not gonna expect you to choose me if you don't think i am the one for you..."

Anyway... going out of the heart related topic.... i'm just excited since it was my very first time to ride the new LRT train... nothing really special about it except for the fact that it's new and it was my first time riding it.... and also... well.. another things... i finally placed a mark at DLSU.. sports complex to be exact.. hahaha... i am one of those people who considers it as their territory as well....

Anyway... i want to thank nyx and eshie for a good conversation today... i should really focus on my academics right now.... i know i can do it.... i won't chicken out just like those who dropped MOBICOM....

first day of classes

2007-01-08T23:36:00.000+08:00

a lot of things happened today... i woke up at around 10 and did my usuals.... went to school at around 12... i first went to GP... i saw the boys there playing billiards and stuff... at around 12:40... i went back to gox to check out the other people there and say my happy new year to them... my class started @ 12:50... it was MOBICOM.. the teacher looks a bit nice... and approachable in way... but the course... OMG!!!! scary... really!!! we have to do a lot of programming... oh well.. good luck with that...

anyway.. went back to GP... jove went there while waiting.. she had a meeting with the LSCS peeps... and i met budong... one of the cutest puppy i've ever seen... he is a mongrel... and he is sooooooooooooooooo cute...

after a while.. i went back to gox with jove to wash my hands and say hi to some of my EA friends... when i went inside the office... sir paul was there too... and we talked for a while... asked me how i was doing... we had a nice conversation... and i plan to do good this term for the office of external affairs...

did some cam whore with riva and the gang.... then went back to GP... i texted MC to go to green place... on my way.. i saw their text messages that they were on their way.... and i rushed to GP immediately...

they were in our old table near the entrace... we did a lot of cam whoring and we bought 2 orders of the GP juice (aka gin juice)... i got drunk and everything.. jove, andrew and nyx joined us in the later part... by around 5... mc, jim and andrew had to leave... then after a while... jim and mc went back... we did some more cam whoring and at around 6... mc, jim, jove and darwin left already....

nyx and i transferred to my barkada's table... and had some chit chats... and played with the very very cute dog.... did some cam whoring.... as usual...

nyx left at around 7... i walked her home... and had a brief conversation about what we were feeling with the persons we liked and hated....

went back to GP coz i was supposed to go home with mark and anya... we did some more cam whoring and went home at around 8:30... nico dropped us at dian, mark and i walked anya home... and she bought us hamburgers... thanks anya!!

after walking her home... mark and i waited for a jeepney to get to baranggay pio del pilar... then we walked to his street then i rode a jeepney going to my house...

when i got home... my mom... who is extremely kuripot... told me that we will be buying a new ref soon.... and talked about doing extra work to make our small home look nice.... anyway.. so much for that...

good luck on me tom.... my class will start at 8 and will end at 4:10... NO BREAKS!!! OOOOOHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOOOD (got this expression from the microsoft people)

last day of vacation

2007-01-07T23:42:00.001+08:00

so much for my last day of vacation, woke up late and didn't do anything except tried to clear my email's inbox... i also forced myself to upload pictures in multiply.... i didn't want to because my internet connection still has problems.. in short... it sucked so there are times when my uploading would stop.... but then again... i really wanted to upload the pictures since they were already overdue... oh well....

my classes will start tomorrow. oh well.. wish me luck! i need a lot for this term... see ya!

The Three Question Personality Test

2007-01-07T16:58:00.001+08:00

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.

You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.

You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.

In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.

At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.

With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.

As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.

On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

feelings

2007-01-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

i can't help but be envy of some people especially when they have everything that you ever wished for (not talking about material things... only a few can relate to what i am feeling right now)

i try to brainwash myself into thinking that time will come when i won't have to think of you and i will meet someone better than you. but i don't really know which signs are for me...

MC told me the other day that there are sayings that I should never forget and some that I shouldn't even think of... but how will I know which of these are really for me...

I get a lot of quotes bacause people send me forwarded SMS most of the time

"Giving up does not mean you're weak, instead, it makes you strong to let go of something important to you because love isn't what makes you complete. It's when you learn to be unselfish."
"Setting someone free is the hardest thing to do... but it's not the tears you cried that makes it so hard, it's the small piece of hope left inside your heart that someday, you'll still end up together."

-sent by Lou Wella

"Sabi nila, pag ayaw maraming dahilan, pag gusto maraming paraan, pero bakit ganoon? Ayaw mo na siyang mahalin pero wala kang DAHILAN. Gusto mo na siyang kalimutan pero wala kang PARAAN..."

-sent by Badette

"Sometimes, you have to just forget the rules, follow your heart and see where it takes you"
"Never apologize for saying what you feel 'cause that's like saying sorry for being real"
"Never regret anything you said or did 'cause at some point, it was what you wanted..."
"True strength is being able to hold it all together when everyone else is expecting you to fall apart"

-sent by Ana Bartolome

I still have a lot.. I just can't find them in my phone right now...

I got this from the microsoft philippines forums in our discussion area...

"love is all about taking the risk no matter what the consequences are. you dont necessarily court a girl simply because you are assured that she already loves you - that is playing safe."

"its just that everything is a learning process. at least you wont have regrets in the future and you wont have those 'what ifs' on mind."

-from Jogu

MC told me that I should waste my time thinking about everything i'm thinking... i should move on.... (i thought i have...) I guess I haven't....

even if i think that i deserve someone better... there is this part of me that says... "i still like you and want to make things work out between us"

I posted the whole lyrics of the song Everything you want by Vertical Horizon a couple of days back.... and so far... these are the lines that keep haunting me over and over again...

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why

DSLU checklist (stolen from Mad)

2007-01-06T22:35:00.000+08:00

(x) get caught by the DO
(x) wear inappropriate attire
(x) watch a UAAP la salle vs ateneo game live in araneta
(x) eat at AGNO (AGNO/COOKIE HOUSE/TGP)
(x) smoke at AGNO (AGNO/COOKIE HOUSE/TGP)
(x) hangout at AGNO (AGNO/COOKIE HOUSE/TGP)
(x) hangout at a friend's condo
(x) sing the alma mater
(x) swim at the olympic size swimming pool
( ) have class in all the buildings (Miguel, LS, SJ, Yuchengco, Velasco, Gokongwei, Mutien Marie, STRC, Sports Complex)
( ) use the football field
(x) hang out in ampitheater
(x) watch something during the u-break in the ampitheater
(x) cross enroll
( ) be a 1st honors dean's lister
(x) be a 2nd honors dean's lister
(x) get a 0.0
(x) get a 4.0 (except P.E and NSTP)
(x) eat in mcdonalds
(x) eat in UM
(x) eat somewhere outside near the campus (not fastfood)
( ) borrow/reserve something in the IMS
(x) get a major or minor offense
(x) go out with 5 or more blockmates during freshmen
(x) walk around the campus with 4 or more blockmates after freshmen
(x) cut a class together with blockmates
(x) beg for a higher grade during course card distribution
(x) adjust
(x) be active in an organization
(x) be a member of TAPAT or SANTUGON
(x) be stereotyped by others according to your college (CBE, COE, COS, CLA, CCS, CED)
(x) get an alarm sound when you scan your id
(x) talk to your LAMB aside from LPEP
(x) be deceived by the false names of professors in the on-line enrollment
( ) pay surcharge
(x) go to the chapel
(x) hear mass
(x) visit the museum
( ) know a xerox lady
( ) sleep in the library
( ) get to know mang jack in a not-so-happy way.
(x) get to know jenny
( ) got/given something to someone during the valentines week
(x) have a class after 6:00 pm
(x) talk about someone passing by while on a bench in SJ walk
(x) study in conservatory
(x) print somewhere near outside the campus
(x) type somewhere near outside the campus
(x) cram (sino bang hindi?)
(x) do a last minute paper
(x) date a lasallian
(x) have a crush on your blockmate
(x) have a crush on your classmate
(x) have a crush on your professor
( ) attend a seminar outside lasalle
(x) talk to a lasallian celebrity (model, actress, vj, etc.)
(x) sleep in a class
( ) have/had a lasallian girlfriend/boyfriend
(x) be in a conflict with a professor
(x) witness pda/pdpi inside the campus
(x) use a computer in the computer laboratories
(x) be drunk somewhere near outside the campus (GP of course!!!!)
( ) forget your ID at home
(x) get exempted from finals
(x) stay at school till 10:00 or later
(x) actually read a whole article in The Lasallian
( ) actually read a whole article in Plaridel
(x) took time to look at the 'Proudly Lasallian' stands in the campus
(x) thought that yuchengco restrooms are the best restrooms
(x) shifted / planned to shift
( ) read a whole book borrowed at the library
(x) eat inside the classroom
(x) get a text or call with your cellphone not in silent mode during class
(x) spend money for 1X1 ID pictures
( ) break something in the laboratory
( ) ask the library for an endorsement
(x) entered the thesis room in the library
(x) searched a professor in the DLSU website
( ) park in the beach
( ) park in Sports Complex
(x) eat siomai (inside or outside near the school)
(x) tasked to photocopy for a bunch of people
(x) enter a job fair in campus
(x) buy a raffle ticket, donate something, sign a signature campaign inside the campus
(x) sell raffle tickets, ask for donations, made people sign signature campaigns inside the campus
( ) watch something at night in the yuchengco theater
(x) make a video for a class project
(x) make a powerpoint presentation (duh!!!)
(x) give a very low evaluation to a professor
(x) eat inside the java cafe
(x) be pissed with a guard
(x) go to the clinic
(x) nearly reached / reached excess absences (always FA)
(x) pick a popular professor (infamous, cool, generous, cute) for a subject
(x) be the one to make the 'mass overload sound' in an elevator
(x) buy something in the bookstore
( ) lose your cellphone

microsoft saturday

2007-01-06T22:16:00.000+08:00

so much for my saturday... i was supposed to have a meeting at microsoft at 9am in 6750 ayala avenue and i woke up at 9:45... i can't believe i overslept... so i hurriedly did my morning rituals and went to microsoft asap... i got there at around 10:30am and everybody were introducing themselves to each other... it was a really embarrasing experience...

everyone went back to the business they were doing after i was able to sit down... so the day went on... vista and 2007 office was demoed by the three stooges one by one... after that... we had our lunch...

after everyone was done with their meal, we had some picture taking in the reception area of microsoft and did plenty of cam whoring... haha.... after everybody got tired of taking pictures... well sort of... we had a game.

we were grouped into 4 teams and were tasked to name the stores in the picture that they provided... we had some sort of amazing race thingy.... we went all over glorietta and parksquare...

we were really tired after the game. my team was in 2nd place. after everyone has settled down... the awarding came in...

after everything.... some went home already and some went to moa to watch the pyro olympics... tin, rd, aids and i went down to 4th floor to smoke (aids didn't smoke, he just accompanied us). has some chit chats and went back up again... jin, issa and the others were still in the game room... so i just checked my email there and did some more cam whoring... haha....

at the end of it all... issa, jin, kent and i went to north park to eat... then had some discussions... and went home...

last night out before start of classes for the year

2007-01-06T02:22:00.000+08:00

*sigh* I just got home... well.. so much for out MOA night out... supposedly we were to party at Prince of Jaipur in MOA last night... but there was just too many people there.... due to the pyro olympics thing.... as in there were A LOT!!!!!!

anyway... there was heavy traffic going to MOA and it took me around 30 mins to get there.... when i got there... my barkada sent me a text message that we will be partying at greenbelt instead.. and it really pissed me off... sort of... since there were so many people and going to greenbelt would really be hassle for me....

anyway... since everyone else was waiting for a taxi, i decided to take a jeepney going to MRT and then rode a bus going to ayala... I got there at around 10pm already.... i left the house at around 8:45... aaarg!!!!

I hurriedly went to kroc grill and found them there eating and drinking beer already... since i haven't eaten supper, they offered me their left overs... and since it was still clean... i didn't hesistate anymore... we did a lot of cam whoring and stuff.... anya and i did A LOT of cam whoring... hahaha....

at around 12... we went to Temple Bar already... and since moi had some friends there.... we were reserved a seat at the VIP room... nothing special about it except that you could smoke and it wasn't as crowded as the dance floor....

i will be posting pictures in my multiply soon....

i had to leave at around 1:20 since my mom is again angry already coz i told her that i will be home by 1...

anyway... i got home at around 1:40... and.. practically.. that's it...

so much for the last night out before school starts for 2007....

i saw kevin cortez, my former blockmate in DLSU by the way... and when i left... only Wale, Marica and Anya were left... Moi and the others went home before i did...

so much for friday

2007-01-05T18:31:00.000+08:00

anyway... i did nothing today... i thought that i was supposed to visit my godmother but i don't think she was available today... anyway... i tried to do a temporary fix in my cabinet and tried to rid my room of trash.... so far.. it's somewhat clean....

anyway... i wil be preparing in a while to go to MOA to party with my barkada... although they haven't texted me as to where to meet and everything.... oh well...

another long day for me

2007-01-05T13:52:00.000+08:00

i just finished eating lunch... and checking out ms forums... anyway... i was supposed to finish cleaning my room today... but i wasn't able to since i dedicated my time to sleeping... i'll try to do it after posting this entry and then buy hinges for my cabinet. i'm still waiting for my godmother's reply if we are going to my other godmother this afternoon/evening... after that... i'll be going to MOA for my 6th time to party with my friends at prince of jaipur....

i actually haven't formally asked my mom permission but i will probably later.... oh well...

change topic...

i see a lot of signs on whether i should go for it or not.... but i don't know which one really is a sign for that... i'm confused....

what's in my head right now

2007-01-05T02:06:00.000+08:00

I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.but i like you.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.but i like you.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.but i like you.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.but i like you.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.but i like you.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER.

blockmates hang out thursday

2007-01-04T23:50:00.001+08:00

didn't do much today... JP and I had planned to go malling or something so we decided to go to MOA today... Jove tagged along.... that.. I was aware of a few days back already... I was surprised to see Sean with them when I met them at Starbucks near the IMAX theater...

Since Jove was already hungry... we decided to look for a place to eat... We went inside the mall and went to the food court... and since i didn't have cash, jove lent me some money and agreed that I will be the one to pay for her drink in Starbucks later since that was where i planned all of us to hang out while waiting for the sunset....

Anyway, after the food court, I just found out that JP had no intention to go anywhere near starbucks... i don't know why so sean suggested that we go to "Baang Coffee" instead... I had no idea where and what that was but I thought of maybe giving it a try...

It was just down the stairs from where we were and so we went there... Sean was friends with the owner of the store and so we decided to buy our drinks there instead... And as a bonus, the 4 of us were given priviledge cards by the owner... and we owe it all to sean.. hehe... did a little bit of cam whoring and some chit chats... I liked the drink I ordered, by the way... it was Death by Chocolate... and it was so creamy and rich and I loved it.. hehe.... *chocolate lover here and also a sweetooth* I also plan to introduce the coffee shop to my other friends... it was nice there... the ambiance was relaxing.. the music was mellow and i had a great time there... Sean also introduced the owner, Steve, to us and had a little chit chat... hehe....

Anyway, at around 6... we started to move around MOA and did some more cam whoring... we checked out some stores and window shopped... by 7:45... JP and sean had to leave. jove and i stayed for a while to do some UBE and check out the tech stores in MOA... did some more cam whoring and by 9, we had to leave already... got a cab and went to DLSU... after going down the taxi, i decided to stay a little bit longer so Jove and I went to agno... had some more UBE then by 10.. i had to leave already since my mom sent me a SMS to go home early at around 8...

got home at around 10:30 and she was as usual frustrated with me again... and as usual i didn't mind it.. haha... she asked me to bring something to my aunts house and I agreed... when I got to my aunt's house... i gave my cousin the things my mom asked me to give to her and had some chit chat with my aunt... had another "sermon" about what happened to me last term and why I failed my accounting course... i told her the truth and i said it was related to love life... gave me some sermon about that and told me to stop my smoking and drinking habit... well.. i did plan to quit it this year and i told her that... hehe... I know I am a better person now and I don't need those things anymore... although i still find it hard since it has become a habit but I'm sure I will soon be able to ditch my vices by summer...

There are still a lot of things going inside my head especially with the things that had happened last year... but... well... we will see what 2007 has instored for me....

"Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon

2007-01-04T13:44:00.000+08:00

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

[Chorus]

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

last wednesday before classes start

2007-01-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

anyway, yesterday... i was at W grill with wale and company. we didn't really have any plans... i just woke up at around 12 and read all of my text messages. louie sent me a message that he and his family will be going to manila. and so i immediately replied that i can go to la salle after lunch.

i did my usual morning rituals and ate lunch at home. then i went to la salle at around 2. i met louie at agno. so much for my smoking abstinence.... after we talked for a while, we went inside gox to talk to the academic assistant to ask if he is still eligible to enroll for next term having reached the limit of failed courses during his whole stay in DLSU. We tried very hard to try and make the academic assistant say yes unfortunately... there wasn't anything that we could do and he was ineligible to enroll for next term and he will be studying in Olongapo next school year... damn!!!!

anyway.. Wale was also around and so we met up at U-mall with marica. Had a little chit chat then decided to go to G4... louie couldn't go with us since his whole family went to manila with him. During our chit chat, he talked to his dad on the phone and told him that the academic assistant did not allow him to enroll in DLSU anymore... so his dad went to DLSU... he had to meet him and so we parted ways already... I was with marica and wale and got a cab to get to G4...

by the time we got there, ponch and sam were already there... the four of them ate at wendy's then smoked some more in G4... after that... we went to W grill... averee got there by around 5 and so did mark chua with kenneth... his new boyfriend...

i had to leave at around 7 since my mom was in greenbelt already with her friends to have dinner... i pitched in to have free supper.. haha...

anyway... my mom and i went home at around 10...

today, i got a SMS from Ian... he invited me to hang out in G4... i told him i will be at G4 after lunch... around 2... but i got there around 3pm already... on my way to G4.. i saw him walking across with Anya, Christo and Dha...

We went to W grill and Ian treated us 2 buckets of Red Horse... Anya had to leave at around 4 and only the four of us we left... Ian had to leave by 6 so he paid the bill...

Outside W grill, we said our goodbyes to Ian and then saw James going somewhere... we called him up and he joined the 3 of us, Christo, Dha and I.. We all went to G4 to hang out again... I don't have cash anymore so I just bought a drink and some bread at Starbucks using me credit card once more... *my mom is really going to kill me*

anyway.. had some chit chats with dha's friends... we went home at around 8...

What's Your Blogging Personality?

2007-01-02T01:58:00.001+08:00

Your Blogging Type is Artistic and Passionate

You see your blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard to make it great.
One moment you may be working on a new dramatic design for your blog...
And the next, you're passionately writing about your pet causes.
Your blog is very important - and you're careful about who you share it with.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Are You Right or Left Brained?

2007-01-02T01:56:00.001+08:00

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

1st day of the year

2007-01-01T23:48:00.001+08:00

so much for 2006....

anyway, i woke up at around 12 nn today... i slept at around 3 i guess... i was talking to jan marc on the phone... we also had our UBE...

anyway... i want welcome 2007 with a smile... although the last part of 2006 really changed my life... now... i'm sure i am going to have worse situations in the future... but... i should know that everything will just be trials and will help me be a better person.

classes will resume next week and i have one week to enjoy my vacation. so far, i feel confused once again with my feelings... it weird.. i thought i moved on already and all that shit... everything in my life is so complicated right now...

i hope 2007 will be a good year for me.... i feel that it will be but it's too early to tell....

oh well

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU!!!

last post for the year

2006-12-31T23:25:00.001+08:00

and 2006 is almost up. a lot of people are doing last minute preparations for the new year.

as a recap for my 2006:

01. i fell in love
02. my heart got broken
03. i experienced moving on
04. i learned to trust people
06. got humiliated
07. failed a course
08. got my credit card
09. i spent more than what i can afford
10. became really irresponsible
11. got new friends
12. strated to cook again
13. became really lustful.. harharhar
14. took a lot of pictures
15. ran out of hard drive space
16. became technology dependent
17. became a dean's lister without studying and bringing anything to school
18. became active in posting blog entries
19. had a very lonely birthday
20. had a very lonely christmas
21. got 200 pesos ang pao for christmas
22. got only a shirt,a shocking pen,a jersey & a cap for xtmas/birthday/new year.
23. became a party addict
24. had a lot of UBE sessions with a lot of people within a month
25. got really drunk and puked a lot of times
26. made friends with people i didn't talk to before/enemies
27. got an offense from the DO
28. my mom found out that i smoke
29. my mom saw a lighter in my pocket
30. my mom saw a cigarette pack and a lighter in my pocket
31. my mom saw my cigarette case with yosi in it
32. asked information about my dad
33. so far the worst time of my life (december 2006)
34. smoked more than 1 and a half packs of cigarettes a day
35. experienced a lot of PR from DLSU, MS, GP and Leather Lifestyle
36. GP became my second home
37. drunk alcoholic drinks almost every other day as an average
38. was able to stay awake for 38 consecutive hours twice (one acad related, one love life related)
39. drank beer in a bar alone like in the movies
40. experienced IMAX
41. experienced living the life without electricity for 7 days
42. went home 10 onwards regularly without asking permission
43. ate in a reseturant with only my credit card - no cash at all
44. watched a movie for more than 5 times (RENT)
45. never recovered from a basketball injury last march (have problems with my index finger)
46. had someone i knew commit suicide

i will probably add some more once i start remembering the things i did for the year 2006

long day friday

2006-12-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

anyway i was not able to make a post yesterday, december 29, 2006. i was really busy.

the things i did on friday:

i woke up at around 7 because our call time in microsoft is 8am sharp.... by around 7:10... i was still lying down on my bed... until my mom somewhat shouted... "hindi ka na tumigil sa kayoyosi!" and suddenly threw the empty cigarette pack of marlboro lights in my trash bin...

i still pretended not surprised and said it was my classmates... but deep inside... i was saying... "OH SHIT!!!!!!"

well.. my mom knows that i smoke.. it's just that.. she is not aware that i smoke regularly...

anyway... so i stood up and and opened my computer... checking chester's site for his wish list since he was the person i was supposed to give a gift to for our christmas party in microsoft. i wrote some of my choices in a small piece of paper... then jove called me... we talked for a while since she was waiting for ethel and abi... i went in the CR at around 7:40 already.... got out of the house at around 7:55...

and got to microsoft in the 16th floor at around 8:30... almost everyone was there...

by 9, jin and i went down to starbucks to buy some drinks... and to meet my "hakot" for the event in the morning... and since i only needed 1 sticker to complete the requirement to get my starbucks planner... i bought a hot peppermint mocha since the toffee nut latte was sold out and got my sticker but i decided not to get my planner since we were supposed to have a party after the casting sessions in microsoft.

anyway... everything went smoothly... it ended at around 4-5

during the casting session... i called up lou to show up despite the odds of her getting in... i just wanted her to try.... she did... she read her report for like less than 10 mins... while presenting, i can feel her nervousness... as much as i wanted her to get in, there were people a lot better than her but it does not mean she isn't good... and she is my friend and will always be....

after she presented, we went down to the 4th floor to hang out and have some UBE. and in the end, she encouraged me more... hehehe... THANKS LOU!

anyway... when everyone who auditioned went home already, the juniors were about to do the exchange gift but we waited for eugene and esmee since they will be comming from work. eugene came to the office at around 7???? anyway... everyone else was getting bored and was just playing the online game thingy and some were watching funny videos...

since we couln't wait for esmee since she will be comming from ortigas, we started our exchange gift. coy coy was not available and he got me... so i was the first to say something after the gift was given to me....

anyway... i got a cap and a jersey from coy and i really loved it!!! THANKS AGAIN!
everyone else was happy with what they got...

after that, we went to cafe bola in greenbelt 3 to eat.. had different discussions and in the end.. everyone else had to go home... although some were waiting for their ride so we went back and forth to powerbooks and music one. by around 9 something, we went to timezone and played foosball!!! i really had fun!!! damn!

then everyone really had to leave and so i walked with those going to 6750 coz i planned to get my starbucks planner already since i am going home. waited for the girls to go home then i proceeded to walk and think of what i am going to do next. wale and company texted me that they were at kroc grill and so i went there and bought a bottle of beer.

everyone had to leave at 12 and i got home around 12:30am

international internet access at last!!!!

2006-12-28T23:12:00.000+08:00

at last... i can access sites not based here in the country already!!!! yesterday... i could only access local sites such as msforums.ph and the like.... www.dlsu.edu.ph as well.. haha... but i can't check my mail... i can't even access blogger.com and multiply.com...

anyway.. today, i was at my cousin's place... i was supposed to accompany her while the guys who were supposed to repair their ref were doing their work.. but since there were parts needed... they didn't stay long... so we just hangged around.. talked for a while....

after going to my cousin's place.. i immediately went to ayala... to withdraw some money... to pay my credit card bills.... and some extra to be able to buy my gift for the party in microsoft tomorrow....

anyway... i also met jove in g4 to teach her how to get to microsoft tomorrow... then we just talked for a while... by around 7... i she went back to her dorm in la salle...

then i saw james in g4 alone also... so we went to the smoking area to smoke again.... and again... and again... he was going to meet his sister there... we talked for a while... then... when his sister cam.. we had some chit chat as well... by around 8.. they were supposed to eat.. and i thought of going home already... but i passed by W grill to make sure if there wasn't any member of the familiah left...

by the time i was passing through the bridge in the 2nd floor.. i saw mark and anya.. so i went up to ask where the others were... found out everybody went home already but since i had nothing else to do.. they made me stay... i met some of their friends.. and by 10.. i went home already...

nothing special happened today... except making me realize some things i should have realized a long time ago... harharhar

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

2006-12-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: December 10

You don't just believe in love at first site - you've experienced it.
You develop crushes pretty easily, but keeping your interest is another matter!
You are very prone to love - hate relationships.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 2

You are most compatible with people born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, and 28th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

hang out with high school friends

2006-12-26T20:49:00.000+08:00

a lot of people know that i never liked high school nor most of the people there. but of course, i also have some close friends that i still keep in touch with up until now. anyway, jan marc, ma. rose and i went to greenbelt to just hang out and chit chat. we also did some serious cam whoring sessions. took pics everytime we had an opportunity.

anyway, what we did is just talk and spend some time with each other. tried to ask each other about our other batchmates in high school whom they still keep in touch with. during that time, i was also texting some of my barkada asking them where they are and trying to lure them to greenbelt by telling them that i brought my camera. anyway.. the first one to reply was thea... she was also in glorietta but she was with her family i think so she couldn't go to where my friends and i were. next was andrew, he was alone at MOA shopping. i told him to go to greenbelt/glorietta instead but he didn't want to because there were more good finds-cheap buys in MOA. so basically.. they where the only two in my barkada who replied... i wonder where the others are??? haha...

anyway... by 6, ma. rose had to leave because she was still going to meet her family in fort bonifacio since it's her brother's birthday. jan marc and i escourted her to the place where she could get a ride going to fort bonifacio. after that, we went to G4 to smoke...

when we got there, i was surprised to see kel and avery with her cousin karen... they also told me that ralph was there with his new boyfriend... nice one ralph... kel and company then went to timezone and jan marc and i were left there... i was still smoking but after a few minutes... we then decided to call it a day already.

anyway.. it was a fun day getting together with some of my closest high school friends. i hope there would be more of this soon. hehe....

all of the pictures can be found in my multiply site.. check out my links :D

How Much Lust Do You Have?

2006-12-26T13:27:00.001+08:00

Your Lust Quotient: 52%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it.
Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

What Color Is Your Aura?

2006-12-26T13:23:00.001+08:00

Your Aura is Yellow

You're a deeply happy and content person, and you enjoy sharing your cheer with others.
While you may seem like a simple optimist, there is a lot of thinking going on inside you.

The purpose of your life: bringing joy and a better life to others

Famous yellows include: Conan O'Brien, Jenny Mccarthy, Jim Carrey

Careers for you to try: Athlete, Actor, Yoga Instructor

What Color Is Your Aura?

How Are You In Love?

2006-12-26T13:17:00.000+08:00

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.

In relationships, you tend to be a bit selfish.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

2006-12-26T13:09:00.000+08:00

You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from.

And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi.

Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics...

Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

2006-12-26T13:08:00.000+08:00

White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino

One of a kind and forward looking, you're the first to introduce a wacky new trend to your friends. And even if your ideas seem weird, they get adopted pretty quickly.

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

feelings for another

2006-12-25T23:41:00.000+08:00

i went to greenbelt today to check out stuff... and since i didn't have anything to do here in the house anyway.... anyway... while i was alone smoking my lungs out.... i did think about everything that has happened to me these past few months... i am too idealistic and i think in most of my serious blogs... it has already been stated.

i recall talking to nyx last december 7... and i won't ever forget the words that she told me... by telling someone your feelings.. you might lose a love interest but also gain a true friend in the process...

i am still not sure what to do... but so far.. there has been a special girl that seems to have been there for me in my lowest times... she's a friend of mine in high school and has been one of my longest love interest.

i used to think that this person might not deserve someone like me... but then again... i should at least try.... so far.. she is the most perfect girl i know... and even if we end up just being friends... it wouldn't actually matter since having her as a friend is already a blessing from the one up above....

i hope i get the time to ask her out... and i hope she is also free during the time i ask her out so that maybe we could at least talk....

christmas day

2006-12-25T18:40:00.000+08:00

so much for my christmas this year... so far.. no love life... no money.. no gimiks... no load... no yosi... no presents.. sort of... and stuff... haha

but hey.. i still want to greet all those visiting my site:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

spent my day in greenbelt... alone... as usual... haha... just had a couple of smokes there... haha... i bought some muffins for my god father... and some pan de sal at le cour de france... also bought some groceries...

anyway... i was texting a lot of my friends... asking them where they are... most of them were in the province and some... didn't reply... oh well...

well... so much for my christmas... as compared to last year.. i think i got approximately 10,000 pesos... and so far.. as og 6:51pm of December 25... i only got 200 pesos... OMG!

a few hours before christmas

2006-12-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

and the neighbors keep on playing the song boom tarat tarat again and again... OMFG!!!!!!! it really irritates me to hear that song..... as in!!!! whenever i hear that song... it's like worse than all of the hearaches i've experienced!!! damn!!!! somebody please kill me instead if you play that freaking song!!!!

nway...

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!!!!!!

forwarded quotes

2006-12-24T13:56:00.000+08:00

in the past few weeks.. i have been receiving inspirational and hopeful SMS quotes from different people.... some.. i already know and some are fresh... i get the point of the messages... its just that.. my heart is still in the process of healing... so maybe it might take a while for me to absorb everything...

but i will be sharing the quotes here....

"Love is not about judging nor being a perfectionist. Love is about accepting, understanding, self-sacrificing and most of all love is supposed to make you HAPPY -- NOT STUPID"

-sent by Yhxiah

"Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying."

-sent by Jove

"No one is rich enough to buy back the past. But if you have the courage to do better things today, you would be the richest one tomorrow."

-sent by Jasper

I will be adding a few more probably later... hehe...

waking up on the 24th

2006-12-24T13:48:00.000+08:00

anyway... i was expecting some money from my aunt this christmas... but.. it seems that she won't be giving anything this season... OMG!!

when i woke up... my mom immediately asked... "do you still have other credit card receipts with you?"

i obviously panicked... i definitely have a lot... summing up to around two thousand.. and i plan to give it to her once i get my ang paos from the other people who usually give me money during the season.... anyway... i acted sleepy and just said... i will check later.... OMG! i need cash right now... and i have no idea where i'm getting it.... damn!

approximately 27 hours before christmas

2006-12-23T20:50:00.000+08:00

anyway... i just finished smoking... my mom went to church to complete her anticipated "simbang gabi"

anyway... so far... today... i woke up at around 1pm... and my arms were sore because of last night.... and they still are.. i shoul actually start exercing and stuff so that if ever something like that happens again... my body would be prepared... haha...

anyway... i was completely motivated to do everything i set to do today.... i didn't do much after waking up except to eat and fix some things... anyway... went out at around 3pm already....

first... i immediately proceeded to the smoking area of G4 hoping to find somebody there... well.. i did find a lot of people... the thing is.... i don't know them... haha.... smoked a stick of cigarette... then went down... my main objective was go to SM to by myself a wallet.... but i came across a sports store in g4 going to SM so i checked it out first... and HALLELHUIA!!! i found a really nice all black with only a small logo cap that i had been searching for months now... it's very simple and classic... just what i was looking for.... and it was on sale... got it for less than 500...

after buying the cap.. i went back to g4 to celebrate... celebrate.. meaning.. i'm going to smoke some more cigs... hehe... then.... went down to buy myself a wallet... and i was still expecting to meet someone... and my prayers were answered... i saw nico waiting for his parents i would assume... so i greeted him but it wasn't that long since he had to go...

so i went to SM already.... i think... or i might have window shopped a bit.... anyway... last time i was at SM ayala.... the wallet i was looking for was out of stock already... then went to MOA... and you'll see my experience in my previous blog.. anyway.. thank god they have new stocks when i went there this afternoon... so i bought the wallet... yehey!

i decided to go back to G4 again... to smoke again... but on my way.. in the bridge connecting SM and Glo.... i saw darwin... hahha... came from rockwell and is currently looking for his cousins.... he had no load so i accompanied him to buy load at a store in the MRT station of ayala....

then... i told him to accompany me at G4.. in the smoking area... since i had to celebrate once more since i was able to buy my 48 year dream of buying a new leather wallet.... after that... darwin had to meet his cousins so we went down g4... at the food court... i then saw another familiar face... it was jp.... haha... so i approached him... and said hi... he told me that he was with his sister.... anyway... we said our good byes and greeted him merry christmas... hehe...

anyway... after darwin met his cousins.. i went to the grocery to buy the ingredients for the meal i plan to cook for noche buena... anyway... it was actually quick.... the only thing that placed me to a halt were the long lines for the payment! and since i had to use my credit card... i had to fall in line in the cashier that accepts credit cards.... the line was long and most of the people in front of me had a lot to buy... so... yeah... i got really frustrated...

anyway.. i went home immediately after.. since i was already hungry.... and i didn't have cash with me... only enough for my fare... haha...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to MA. ROSE ANN CELLONA and DERRICK MAPAGU!!!!

busy friday

2006-12-23T01:59:00.000+08:00

just finished taking a shower... anyway... today... erm... yesterday.. i had a busy day.... anyway... i went to my cousin's house at around 2:30 pm.... and waited for her until around 3 i think... they first ate lunch then started preparing the stuff needed for the bazaar... we were able to reach the bazaar at the the fort at around 4.... and since we lacked people... i had to be the one to bring the big boxes and stuff... so much for our ingress... hated it.. haha....

anyway.. since it was my first time... i wasn't able to do good in the first few hours... i just help my cousin in the cashier and stuff.... since it was only the two of us who manned the booth... we couldn't leave each other for a long time... just comfort room breaks.... at around 8... our sales were alright... at around 12... well... our sales weren't that bad... we were instructed by my aunt to start packing up.... by around 1... my other cousin came to pick us up...

and as usual... i was the one to do all the labor.... had an instant work out there... except.. i wasn't wearing any sports attire or gym attire... and without any warm up so i'm sure to get cramps by tom.... the boxes were heavy!!!!! (but since we were able to sell a lot... it was lighter as compared to ingress) anyway... same thing... i hated the egress.... aarrrg!

so basically... during the selling period.. i had fun and i was already used to it since i've been doing the same thing during microsoft events.... i just hated the ingress and egress part... plus... from the time i went to my cousin's place up until now.. the only thing i ate were some cookies (fita and some peanut choco type of cookies)

anyway.. at around 10... i was surprised to see kim, monch and er at the bazaar... i talked to them for a while and found out that the entrance in embassy was free up until 12 since there was a la salle/ateneo party... i wanted to go but.... then again... i won't be able to since i already stink and i wasn't appropriately dressed... oh well....

so far... all i thought about today was to be able to sell the goods that we were selling... and somehow... i think it's better to keep myself extremely busy so that i won't actually hate my life... right now... all i want to do is sleep... and that's what i'm going to do after publishing this blog....

anyway.. my agenda for tomorrow is to buy the ingredients for the stuff that i'm going to cook on noche buena... and buy my wallet... damnit!!!! after 48 years!!!!!!! and also a cap..... also after 48 years!!!! so i guess i will be busy again tomorrow.... hope i get a lot of money this christmas so that i can pay the debt i owe from my mom.... i'm going to try my best to be able to not make this christmas the worst...

loooooooong day ahead

2006-12-22T13:00:00.000+08:00

anyway... i should actually be starting to prepare already... i have to be at my cousin's house by 2pm today... we will be having a bazaar at fort bonifacio taguig... i'm going to help her today... it will be up until 12am and then after that.... direcho gimik.

anyway.. i woke up at around 11:00 am and my mom immediately asked me to do a lot of things... bought food for lunch outside... went to the bank to exchange some bills... had my first yosi going to the bank.... and stuff... anyway... i'm still listening to someday by nina... i've been listening to it since yesterday.. over and over again... still trying to build up hope inside me...

i'm supposed to buy ingredients today for the noche buena this sunday evening.... i guess i will just do it tom... i still can't forget what happened yesterday at MOA when the system denied my credit cards!! AAAAARG!!!! i'm still stuck with this freaking worn out girbaud wallet... need to buy a new one... but not necessarily girbaud... haha

anyway... i'll probably be blogging again after i get home early in the morning tom....

feeling alone once again...

2006-12-21T22:58:00.000+08:00

today... i didn't do much.... i left the house at around 2pm and went immediately to DLSU to finish some tasks... today was the deadline for some documents i had to submit to la salle... while waiting for them to process the papers... i decided to go to gox... but to my surprise.. i saw leanna at the chess plaza with a friend.... she also had some stuff to do.... anyway... after DLSU, i immediately went to MOA....

it's my fourth time in Mall of Asia and i'm starting to enjoy the place... sort of... i'm already trying to create a virtual map inside my head... and it's gonna take a while before i memorize everything in it.... like in Ayala, Makati....

anyway.. tried to window shop for a while then at around 5pm.. i proceeded to the bay walk area to watch the sun set... there were clouds so i wasn't able to appreciate it much.... while i was smoking there alone.... i thought of a lot of things... i also texted MC about it.... i felt so alone... i felt so detached to everyone i know... i'm so scared...

Anyway... at around 6... went back to the mall... and bought 2 caps for my mom's godsons.... i was checking out another cap for me... but i don't know why i didn't buy it... and it was below 500.. so i shouldn't have hesistated.... but.. oh well... hope it will still be there when i get back....

anyway.. then i went to the department store to buy myself a genuine leather wallet... which was also on sale.... but SHIT! their credit card system had a problem so i wasn't able to buy it.... damnit! i went to 3 cahiers already... and tried to use my 2 credit cards.... and they were not able to process it... stupid system!!!! and to think.. i just used my card a few minutes and bought 2 caps at bench... AAARG!!!!

i was so frustrated... and just decided to hang out... alone... somewhere outside the mall.... i never thought that i would see anyone i know in MOA... especially considering that it is soooooooooo BIG! but while smoking to death... i saw wale with her dad and his girlfriend passing by... called her and said hi but she couldn't stay coz they're already going home....

anyway... after a few more minutes... i went home as well....

but up until now.... i still feel bad.... i don't know.. i want to cry but it seems that my tears have dried out already... i thought this time... during college... i will be happy once and for all... but it seems that i have cried more times in the past two years of college as compared to high school....

right now... i really feel alone.... i have been talking to MC, Nyx, Clang and all the others about the stuff i'm going through... but i don't think its enough....

I just realized... i don't need a partner right now... i really don't if only i had friends that would fully understand me.... i don't even know myself.. and i need someone to help me understand who i really am...

when i was in high school... i felt that i'm going to be alone forever and almost accepted that fact... but when i entered college... i was exposed to new people and learned to be more open to other options.... i thought this is it.... in college.. i will be happy... these people i will be meeting are far better than those in high school... well.. they really are... however... i don't think its enough just to be better....

I'm so scared... but i guess i will just have to accept the fact that i will really be alone forever... i tried my best to open up... but it seems that they won't be able to see the effort i put in just to be friends with them... well... don't get me wrong.. it's just that... probably because i'm such an idealist that i seek the perfect friendship and relationship with other people...

i have a poster here in my room that says... if you want a friend, be a friend... and that is just what i am trying to do... but i don't think it's enough....

i'm starting to wonder what this god's plan for me really is.... a lot of people say i'm special and stuff... and i somewhat believe them.... i was reared by my mom alone... but she was able to let me study in don bosco.. an exclusive private school... and then... when we had financial problems... i had to look for another school and whoever thought that i would be able to pass the entrance exam in a science high school.... during my second year... a lot of the teachers saw my potential for being a techie... by third year... a lot of them say that i'm good in IT and stuff... and by fourth year.. i was one of the students who compete in inter-school competitions... and whoever thought that i would be in the team to win in the national level besting all the schools from the whole country.....

and now... i am in la salle... taking up IT... during my first few months.. i joined a university wide photography contest... i never expected to win first place since most of those who will be competing must have taken a photography course already.... but i won first place.... it felt so nice... and now... i'm currently affiliated with microsoft philippines.... and it seems that i have a very secure financial future....

with all those achievements... i really wonder..... and i'm asking you GOD... what do you want from me.... i never asked all this.... you gave it to me just like that.... the only thing i asked was to be happy... have friends.... and live a simple life.... why can't i be happy... i don't need to be rich... i don't need to have all the material things here.... all i ask is to have people who care for me..... those who really need me.... i don't see something like that... even if i didn't exist... i don't think everyone around me won't be able to live their lives like what they are doing today...

i tried to open up to people.... but sometimes.. whenever i feel that it's time... these people don't seem interested anyway.... basically... what i am looking for is someone who will always be ready to listen to me not because they will give me lectures and stuff but just because they know that i need them and that they understand me through and through...

realizations and hope

2006-12-21T11:47:00.000+08:00

last night, MC and I started talking on the phone at around 11... she was extremely hyper.... she was souting and everything.... it was really fun.... she was very very funny....

but in the latter part of our conversation... there were already instances of serious topics... we really really tried to avoid it.... and then.. she was watching TV and came accross one of her favorite songs... which was someday by nina.... i tried listening to it through the phone but then decided to download it instead.... and there... i downloaded it...

i played it once and it somehow struck me... so i immediately searched for the lyrics... found some but i edited it because some words were missing or wrong... this is the real lyrics:

Someday by Nina

Someday you’re gonna realize
One day you’ll see this through my eyes
By then i wont even be there
I’ll be happy somewhere

Even if i cared
I know
You don’t really see my worth

You think your the last guy on earth
We’ll i've got news for you
I know i’m not that strong
But it won’t take long
Won’t take long

[Chorus]

cause someday, someones gonna love me
The way, i wanted you to need me
Someday,someones gonna take your place
One day i’ll forget about you
You’ll see, i wont even miss you
Someday, someday

right now
I know you can tell
I’m down,and i’m not doing well

But one day these tears
They will all run dry
I wont have to cry
Sweet goodbye

[Chorus]

cause someday, someones gonna love me
The way, i wanted you to need me
Someday,someones gonna take your place
One day i’ll forget about you
You’ll see, i won’t even miss you
Someday, I know someones gonna be there

someday, someones gonna love me
The way, i wanted you to need me
Someday,someones gonna take your place
One day i’ll forget about you
You’ll see, i won’t even miss you
Someday, someday

From the very time i read the lyrics.... we started all of the serious topics that we tried so hard to avoid.... i told her that this is the EXACT lyrics for what i'm feeling right now.... it somehow implies hope that everything will be ok someday.... we ended our conversation at around 3:30am

My realizations:

from my conversation with jove the other day.... "I love you but I have accepted the fact that you will never be mine and I will be your friend forever"
conversations with MC... "I had my set of problems and i'm still dumb at handling things that are related to life itself, and probably made a big mistake... but there is no turning back now.. I have to live on with my life."

I have to really start being myself starting now.... there are times that I feel lost like I don't know myself at all but then again... deep inside.. i know who i really am... sometimes... i just feel confused because i tend to mix the real feelings that i have and the feelings that I try very hard to show in order for the people not to notice my pain

there is a quote i got from a forwarded SMS... mc and i discussed it... the quote was " sometimes you have to put walls up, not to avoid people but to see who cares enought to break them down just be with you"

i told her that i have been doing that but she told me that i made my walls too high that i can't even see who gives effort to break them down... she told me that there always should be a watch tower behind the wall.. and i somehow forgot to place one... and yeah.. it is kind of true....

hope... it is something i don't know if i should believe or not. but maybe i was meant to be hurt.. i was really supposed to feel all this pain right now.... this song "someday" is a song full of hope... what's funny is that i have been playing this since the time i downloaded it... and then my mom asked me to pick up the food at our local diner near the house... and guess what... this song was being played there also.... somehow... fate is telling me something.. maybe for now... i will start hoping that my life won't stay like this.

somewhat unusual day

2006-12-20T21:55:00.000+08:00

anyway... i slept at around 4am in the morning having my UBE with jove through text... haha...

then i woke up at around 10 or 11.... then i don't know what happened(well i actually do know) but the bitter, negative, self-centered side of me took over..... went to DLSU with a bad mood... hating life... hating everything around me again.... the phrase "nobody loves me, everbody hates me" kept on going through my mind.... in the process... i was a bit rude to nyx.... sorry friend!

anyway... i was really the type who would destroy the world if i had powers and stuff guy.... and hated everything i see.... nyx invited me to an event in UST but i said no... i didn't feel like going since it was related to christmas.....

i decided to go to glorietta instead since my other friends were there..... on my way... nyx somehow got to me... and this freaking personality of mine slowly faded away.... the hate was gone.. but the sadness remained....

anyway.... i forgot all about it during the times when we were at W grill drinking beer and other alcoholic drinks courtesy of IAN.. hehehe.... thanks by the way.....

at around 5:30... louie really had to leave.... so we said our goodbyes and accompanied him while looking for a taxi.... we first waited in glorietta... but since all of the cabs passing through didn't entertain us... we decided to go to greenbelt 3 instead.... had a few smokes and still there wasn't any taxi that would entertain us so we decided to go to prince plaza and get a cab there... on our way... we decided to to eat at mini stop first.... after that.. we waited again for a taxi to stop over and take him to DLSU.... and at last... there was one... and so we said our goodbyes... but hopefully it won't be the last..... a lot of people who knows him can relate to why i said that.....

anyway.. spent my remaining time to look for a cap for me and my "kinakapatid".. i actually have two.... my plan was to buy the three of us caps and buy myself a new leather wallet...

i tried looking everywhere but i just didn't see any particular cap that would seem special in a way.... and GOD!!! glorietta is packed!!! even the signature shops were packed... girbaud... marks and spencer... giordano... and some other stores.... i decided to look there because i assumed that people won't be going there since it's a bit too expensive... BUT I WAS WRONG!!!! CRAP!!!!

at around 8:30... i got really tired... and decided to look in rockwell tomorrow instead..... wish me luck!!!! so i just decided to go to starbucks and get a drink there... btw.. i only need one more sticker to get my planner... YEHEY!!!! as usual... i used my card since i don't have any money anymore.... and i really feel that my mom is going to kill me once she finds out how much i owe her.... (around 4000++ already)

in the middle of my loneliness.... (while smoking and drinking pepermind mocha...) thea sent a group text asking who in the barkada is still in glorietta... so i immediately replied.... i was so excited coz i haven't seen her since... i don't know... forever????? and i really wanted to talk to her.... about a lot of things....

but then she immediately cancelled out! damn! i thought of every possible way to try to meet her... but it just wasn't possible.... oh well... i can't do anything about it.. maybe... it's not yet the time for us to have an UBE... hehehe.... so.. i guess i'll just wait a little longer... hahaha...next time might actually be the perfect time..... (not saying that on the time that we actually meet since.. uhm.... forever..... but maybe... when the time is really right.. harharhar..... "ang lalim ba? kaya mo yan friend if you are reading this")

anyway.. so i just finished my drink and then went home already..... i'll probably post my realizations in a while.... hehe....

now i'm blogging..... well... done actually... hehehe

course card day....

2006-12-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

anyway... so basically.. i already know that i will be failing 1 subject... and.. yeah... i did... accounting.. but i wasn't down or anything.... i know i can always do good next time...

anyway... sad to say... i wasn't able get a GPA of 2.0 or higher... damn! so i wont ba able to apply for SA next term.. too bad... i will have to suffer regular enrollment next term... oh well.. hehehe.....

anyway.. in the evening... most of my barkda went home already... damn!!! they left us (my friends and some other people)

some had to go home and the others had to do something... a bit strange... the only people left in my barakada were er, louie, nico, kim, dha, kristo, nyx (not everybody in the familiah knows here very much but i already consider her part of the familiah)... most of the other people i was with were my other tagay friends... (some what barkada but not really part of my group... )

anyway... we had fun... we had a lot of alcohol intake and stuff.... at around 8.. nyx and company had to leave.. so i told them that i will be back... i will just walk nyx home..... darwin accompanied us.... and had a very interesting... and somewhat humiliating conversation....

ANYWAY..... after that... darwin and i went back to GP to get our stuff... everyone we knew went home already... dawrin was still a bit drunk so i bought the two of us coffee.... had an UBE session with him as well... then we went home.....

judgement day is near

2006-12-18T20:11:00.000+08:00

i only have less than a day to prepare to receive my grades for the courses i took for this term.... what's different this time is that i don't feel like caring whether i fail or not.... i feel so realaxed....

i know i'm failing 1 subject which is an introduction to accounting course... but i don't feel so worried and stuff..... anyway... what i plan to do tomorrow is to watch rent with my buddy louie.... i haven't told him yet but... since i have been promoting rent since the pasicatchan... i wanted him to watch it... and i will be borrowing jove's ORIGINAL DVD tomorrow... wahehehe... thanks in advance jove....

now... what i really need to do is tell louie to bring his laptop tomorrow.... since i can't bring mine.... and we will watch there.... and i will be using chikka... so... there... i'm going to open the application now....

(and after 3 mins... )

i've already texted louie.. hope he receives it... anyway... i'm happy coz i finally found the trailer song from constantine which is currently playing here in my blog right now... it took me a while before i finally founf it... hahaha

new blog theme

2006-12-18T12:41:00.000+08:00

anyway... i just woke up a few minutes ago... i slept at around 1am last night errm... this morning.... trying to fix this new theme of mine...

i asked jove to somwhat help me here..... anyway.... while trying to fix the current theme.... jove and i were chatting about different things.... then... she told me that she bought an original copy of RENT and The Phantom of the Opera.....

and when i found out... i was somewhat excited and envious of her.... one of my most favorite movies so far is rent.... i love it so much... i have watched it in the big theater once and i have watched it in TV for around 5 times already.... it includes the film showing we had during our art appreciation class on the 1st term of my second year in college... hahaha...

and i plan to borrow it again probably tomorrow and watch it while waiting for the course cards.... ahahahahaha.....

"Five hundred twenty five thousan six hundred minutes"

"Will I loose my dignity, will someone care....

Will i wake tomorrow from this nightmare....."

"No day but today"

"Live in my house, i'll be your shelter... just pay me back with one thousand kisses..."

"Take me for what I am.. and who i was meant to be.....

and if you give a damn.. take me baby... or leave me...."

and many more..... hahaha

all day full of sleep

2006-12-17T19:40:00.000+08:00

anyway... as for today... nothing much happened.... i woke up at around 11 am bacause the phone was ringging.... after that... immediately went to the computer to check my email and other people's blog.... my mom and i ate at around 12:30 then went back to the computer... tried to clear my inbox... since i have 300 or more unsorted messages.... i deleted some and placed some in their respective folders and stuff... then at around 2... got really bored... and decided to read the newspapaer and watch TV.... after reading the newspaper... and since there was nothing nice to watch i just decided to sleep.....

woke up at around 6 and watched TV again... watched some cooking shows in the lifestyle network then went down to check my email again.... then blogged the things that had happened the other day.... and now... obviously.. i'm currently blogging... haha....

one of the things that linger in my mind is what MC told me through chat... she tried to observe everything and never really saw that spark that i told her i thought i had.... and i'm guessing that maybe it was just my imagination after all....

i had an alternate world before... sort of.... i'm an idealist and of course.. everything in that world is the ideal stuff that i want to happen... i probably somehow mixed it with reality and merged the two.... i had it before since i thought there was nothing else for me here in the real world.... but i have friends here... i can say goodbye to my alternate world already.... but it does not mean that i stop being an idealist anymore... i'm just going to learn how to leave without that alternate world...

uhm... ok... i dunno how i'm gonna do that but....aaarg! bahala na!

i'm planning to create a new layout for my blog... i hope i can really do it this term break... my only fear is that if laziness comes knocking on my door again... i would obviously let him in.... and conquer me.... wahehehe

vacation time

2006-12-17T18:57:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling it... it's our term break already... well.. not officially but... since last week... i didn't have anything else to do anymore... so.. yehey...

anyway.. yesterday.. woke up late and blogged what happened the other day.... then i just watched tv after the electricial fixed the stuff needed to be fixed on the second floor of our house. talked to wale and others... she told me that we will be hangging out in ayala in the afternoon. so i said yes...

at around 4.. i did the usual bathroom stuff that i do preparing for a hang out... then... i felt a little sleepy so i dozed of in my bed after taking a shower... i woke up at around 5:45 and panicked since i thought that my friends will be going to ayala by around 4-5... and it was almost 6....

got to g4 by around 6:15... and checked out the smoking area... and i don't know anybody... i can't see my barkada.... and i didn't have any cellphone credits so i just decided to check out W grill hoping that i would find them there. when i got there... i saw a sign saying "Private Party" and nobody was there except for the waiters... so.. i decided to go to greenbelt 3... didn't see them either... all i had in my wallet was 30 pesos and my credit card.... since i couln't find them anywhere... i decided to use my remaining money to use a payphone and call someone in their mobile phone. tried to call wale first but there was no answer so i dialled marica's mobile number...

got to talk to her... and to my surprise... they're not yet in g4.... they were still looking for a cab to take them to ayala.... and it was around 7 already.... marica said that they will meet me in g4... so i went there after she hung up the phone.

i waited for them there and i was very hungry already.... didn't have any cash so i could't buy anything.... i didn't want to use my credit card unless i have no choice anymore. after a few minutes... they arrived and marica saw me....

we just spent around 30 mins in the yosi spot and checked out the fireworks... i was supposed to buy a drink and something to eat at starbucks but the barrista told me that they don't accept credit cards at the moment....

after G4.. we went to greenbelt already.... wale, marica, kel, ave, ralph, omar, and me.... we were supposed to wait for mark and yhxiah but decided to go there in greenbelt already and just meet them there.... we went to kroc grill.... i felt like eating in oody's so i told them that i will be back in a while... went to oody's then i just remembered that i have no cash at all and if my credit cards would ditch me... i'm dead... so i decided to go back up and borrow 200 as an insurance of some sort...

while going up.. i saw mark.. so i led him to where the others are and asked wale for 200 just in case and told her that i would return it immediately if everything goes smoothly with my card...

so.. there.. i ate at oody's and was extremely full.... went back to kroc and returend wale's money.... then after some time... there were fireworks again... we watched it... then went back to the table....

we also waited for yhxiah and when she told marica through text that she was already at landmark... i volunteered to pick her up coz she's not familiar with greenbelt 3.. i think... anyway... it took me some time to find her since i didn't have any cellphone credits and i had to go back to marica to borrow her phone...

then.. i finally saw her in the bridge of greenbelt - landmark and immediately went up to kroc...

at around 10:40... my mom sent me an angry text message asking where i was and telling me to go home immediately... so... i said my goodbyes to the gang and went home straight....

got home at around 11:30 i think... and talked to nyx on the phone.... it was around 1 when we said our goodbyes and i decided to sleep already....

my birthday bash/familiah xmas party

2006-12-16T10:53:00.000+08:00

first of all.... i was frustrated yesterday since i had no phone (landline) and no internet... i dunno what happened... well.. i actually know now but never mind....

so yesterday... i started my day.. uhm... can't really remember... crap...

uhm... i woke up at around 11am i think... or 10... arg!

nway.... didn't do much except eat... then told clang to meet me at glorietta at around 1.... we were first supposed to meet at la salle but i was too lazy to go there since i will be going there in the evening for my barkada's christmas party/ my birthday celebration.. sort of....

anyway... we met at starbucks g4... first i tried to buy a drink so that i could get another sticker but i wasn't able to buy coz the starbucks in g4 had some problems with their credit card system i think... and i didn't want to use cash since i had to reserve it for my birthday bash later in the evening....

so clarissa and i decided to buy the ticket for happy feet... then went to lighter's galore to buy a gift for mikki in our exchange gift....

after that.. clang and i went down to the ground floor to buy my drink at the starbucks there since i was so desperate.... going down... we saw a booth promoting bailey's... one of those expensive alcoholic beverages... and of course.. i wanted to get some so i answered their survey and got myself a cup of bailey's...

went down after that and bought my pepermint mocha and got my 3rd to the last sticker... hahhaha... 2 more stickers to go.... wheeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after that.. we went up to g4 starbucks again and bought a pack of smokes... then i smoked around 3 sticks before going inside the movie house... and got another UBE session with clang clang.. hahahaha....

we went inside the movie house extremely early in order to watch the trailers... since clarissa is an obsessed harry potter fan... she really expected to see the teaser trailer for the 5th movie....

we enjoyed the movie... it was a fun experience... the penguins were cute and stuff.. hahaha....

anyway... after the movie.. we immediately went to the smoking area in g4 for me to smoke again.... and a little bit of cam whoring.... at around 5:30... clang had to leave already since she told her mom that she was only going to pass the final documentation for our systems analysis and development course.... haha....

went to la salle immediately.... i took a bus coz the mrt was packed with a lot of people and the line was extremely long... but of course.. it didn't make much difference since it was friday and it was already rush hour so there was heavy traffic... got to la salle at around 7...

my first stop was 7 eleven and i bought 1 bottle of empi... after that... went to gp.... there i found my barkada.... then i saw darwin and the gang... then nyx and eshie.... btw, i saw marga there.. after a long time... had a new harcut also.. it was nice on her... hehe...

i gave my gift to mikki and i'm happy that she liked my gift... and i hope she does not loose it and use it often.. haha.... thanks wale for the suggestion...

after a few minutes... jan marc a.k.a. UNGAS texted me that he was already at vito cruz station... so i had to fetch him since he had no idea where to go....

i introduced him to my friends... and stuff... bought them gin for our drinks for the night.... then i told my other friends, dawrin and company to go to the other table near my barkada.... tried to introduce them one by one again and stuff..... after a while... jan marc told me that he will be fetching lou wella in KFC... so... he had to leave for a while... then it was fun after seeing lou wella...

it was a fun evening.. it was like we owned gp... everybody was dancing like it was going to be their last.... and didn't care at all even if there were other people there...

during the party... i got drunk sort of... and i want to thank louie for trying to fix the issues he had with the girls and stuff... before the party.. louie and i talked about those things and i asked him to promise me to try to fix everything before the year ends.... everything was fine... but.... i also just found out that he might not ba able to stay in dlsu anymore... that was extreme shit! i couldn't believe it.... of all the people... why him???? he was one of my most trusted friends and now... he has to leave.... i really hope that his parents would allow him to study in CSB instead... i promise i will help you louie.... with the academic concerns... just dont leave the barkada....

anyway... later in the evening.... jan marc and adrian got really drunk.... they both puked ans stuff... since jan marc was the extreme newbie there in GP... i had to attend to him first.... and while i was dragging him to the CR... OMG! he puked on me... fuck!!!! but that's fine.... was able to remove all the puke in the CR anyway....

LESSON LEARNED: When attending to a drunk person... make sure you are behind him/her... not in front....

Anyway... bought those guys coffee and stuff and i left them there to sober up... lou wella was taking care of jan marc and darwin was taking care of adrian....

thank god i have those people... otherwise... i won't have any idea what to do....

anyway... while everyone else was still trying to enjoy the night... MC and I had a one on one conversation.. she told me stuff that I have to admit was given already... i just didn't want to accept... but... i'm still moving on and i know i will be able to... "in my reach, there's a light out there for me."

i told darwin about my dilema as well.... and i want to thank him for understanding my side.... at least.. i'm starting to be confident with myself and everything.... i'm happy now that i know i am not alone.

everyone else had to leave at some point... and the only ones left were my blockmates... adrian was still drunk and jim was kind enough to accomodate him.... they called up his(adrian) mom and told her that we he will spending the night at jim's house....

the only people left after that was me, anz, mc and andrew... andrew was supposed to go out with mark but his parents didn't allow him to.. so he had to go home... and since mc, and anz were dorm people... we decided until andrew got a cab.... and around 30 minutes passed... and well... there wasn't any cab available or willing to give him a ride home... we started walking to the north gate... and since mc and anz only had to cross taft in order to get to their dorms... i let them go back already... so i just waited for andrew to get a cab... after a few minutes... and FINALLY... a cab agreed to take him home... it was around 12:30am already.... so... after he got in... i went home as well....

Mc, don't worry... i will talk to you soon... whether through phone or another UBE in starbucks... just text me.... i will listen to all of your problems...

Nyx, I was still awake when you texted my last night... the problem is... i had no cellphone credits and my phoneline was dead... so... i had no way to reply..... sorry... but i will talk to you as well... i need to....

For my friends who greeted me once again.... THANKS SO MUCH.... It was a fun birthday celebration.... and a FUN christmas party!! Love you guys!!! 'til next time!!!!!! hahahaha

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

pics to be uploaded in my multiply site in a while: http://latos.multiply.com

total bum

2006-12-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

i was a bum today.. i literally didn't do anything.... i woke up at around 12 noon to eat.... then i checked my email and surfed the web for a while... my mom went out of the house around 1-2 for work.

took a bath after my mom went out because jove and i planned to go out for our post birthday celebration. after doing all the bathroom stuff i usually do... i called clarissa up to invite her to join us since i can say that she is one of my most trusted friend.

we started to talk and didn't notice the time... it was 3pm and said our goodbyes since i told her that i had to meet jove.... went up to my room and sent jove an sms that i'm too lazy to go to la salle and just go directly to glorietta and i'll meet her there....

she replied and said that she will try to catch up with me coz she is still doing something.... so i just decided to stay at home and sleep some more....

at around 6... heard the phone ringging and it was nyx trying to call me... earlier i told her that i didn't go to school coz i was too lazy... so she told me that she will be calling me after going to starbucks....

nyx and i talked about a lot of things.... her love life... my love life... me being selfish... nyx, self proclaiming that she is selfish and other stuff.... she also sang some newly composed songs she did.... some i really liked.... some... i really loved... we talked for about an hour and a half... then my mom came home and had to use the phone so we said our goodbyes and hanged up the phone....

after our conversation... mom and i ate supper separately... she ate near the TV and i ate at the dining table.... i felt so lonely and wished that i was eating with someone.... oh well....

then.. i watched TV after eating.... my mom was waiting for grey's anatomy so i told her to let me watch first while it was not on air yet... she went down to do the dishes while i watched two and a half men followed by will and grace... loved those shows... really funny....

after that... went down to place this new entry in my blog coz i plan to sleep early tonight....

Anyway.. during the times that I was trying to sleep and couldn't sleep but can't do anything other than wait for sleep to come.... i have been thinking of what should i do with my life....

1. get a new inspiration (a love life would be nice... but friends is enough)
2. buy an ipod
3. buy new clothes
4. get good grades
5. buy a car
6. buy a loft/condo
7. get filthy rich
8. migrate to another country
9. die (if i don't get a love life by 35.. hahaha)....

oh well....

What's your seduction style?

2006-12-14T00:43:00.000+08:00

my life so far

2006-12-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

first of all, i would like to thank all of my friends, my real friends so far for giving me all the support i need. ever since i was a child... i've had no one to talk to, no one to lean on and never trusted anybody... i always felt that i need to be independent... that i can only count on myself...

right now, my point of view in life has started to change... there is a small number of people who know me really well and will support me in everything that happens to me... so i would like to thank all of you.... i hope that this number grows bigger and bigger...

anyway.. had an UBE (Ultimate bonding experience) with Jove and Louie yesterday, December 12 and I had a great time... i've never felt so happy with my life before and now... these people and everyone else i know will be there for me always....

today... nothing much happened... i went to la salle at around 4pm to get the OC season 2 cd from mikki.... then had an UBE again with jove at starbucks... hahaha... 3 more stickers to go before i get a planner... yehey..!!!!

went back to GP at around 7 and found most of my barkada there.... the usual things happened and i left at around 9 with ralph and mikki... we walked mikki to the other side of taft and waited until she was able to ride a jeepney... ralph and i were extremely full with thw food we ate at noel's courtesy of louie.... (man!! you are too kind!!! you're the best.. i owe you big time!!!) so we decided to walk up until we reached estrada st. to ride a jeepney.... my night was not over yet since i promised lou wella that i will go tonight to cuneta astrodome and watch her compete for ms. pasay.... it was already 11pm and the top 5 had been called... too bad she wasn't able to get in the top 5... i came to the event late and i left early since it was already late....

Lou, it does not matter whether you win or lose... what matters the most is that you do you're best so that you will never have regrets! To me... you are and will always be the winner... love ya!

Nyx, i know i am a bit selfish but the reason why i am is because a lot of things that i ever wanted had always been taken away from me... but i am starting to change already.. i know you can read me... just give me a little more time... and thanks for always being there for me....

Louie, thanks so much for everything... you're one of the best that i've ever known.... thanks for being a real friend to me.... i owe you!

Tin, thanks for being there and helping me cope up with everything.... i owe you a lot as well... sorry if i was not able to help you with what you asked me today... i was not able to find a resource.... sorry....

Jove, thanks for considering me as one of your true friends.... you know that i also consider you as one of my true friends... and hope to have more UBE's with you... hehehe....

anything but ordinary

2006-12-12T10:05:00.000+08:00

i'm so happy right now... i have managed to move one with my life now.... i have friends whom i can definitely trust...

since the day i heard this song... i loved it so much and it has been and will always be my theme song....

Anything but ordinary by Avril Lavigne

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody riped my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

Let down your defences
Use no common sense
If you look you will see
that this world is a beautiful
accident, turbulent succulent
opulent permanent, no way
I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh my self to sleep
It's my lullaby

Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
oh
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

moving on with my life

2006-12-11T23:33:00.000+08:00

this day is actually the best for me... i have to admit that i didn't do good with my INTRACT... i already accepted the fact that i am going to fail.. but it does not matter... i know i will have friends to be there for me forever now... i had 3.. and now i have 4... i trust them all.... i trust them with my life and i will be there to protect them and they can trust me their lives as well....

even if i am going to fail intract and i will be irregular for life... that's fine.... i know i can still excel... i can really do my best now.. thanks to the 4 people i love so much.....

i've already moved on and i have accepted the fact that we are not meant to be.... i won't ever regret that i met you since you are the reason why i feel so free right now... i know who my friends are... and that is the only thing i need right now....

the worst birthday so far....

2006-12-10T22:22:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to: Out of Reach by Gabrielle

it's 10:27 pm in my time...

who ever thought that those scences in movies where there is a guy lonely drinking and smoking in a bar all alone would happen to me.... i never actually imagined such thing would happen to me or to anybody i know...

i started my day doing nothing... i didn't want to study for intract anymore since I was so depressed and I was sure to fail anyway.... then went to my cousin's bazaar at around 3-8pm.... never really enjoyed it...

the weather was really bad and it made more more depressed than ever.... what a birthday....

a lot of people greeted me but those whom i really expected to greet me didn't....

anyway.. around 8.... i went to greenbelt to supposedly hang out and look for people I know... i didn't find anybody and just went to vodka ice alone... i checked out the price listings of their beer and other alcoholic drinks... then the bouncer or who ever he was pointed out that they have a buy one take one promo before 9pm with their local beers so i decided to buy my drink there...

i told myself that i won't be smoking anymore but i was so depressed so i just bought a pack of smokes and just smoked their while drinking my beer.... i saw a lot of people pass by and happy.... i almost cried my heart out.. good thing i was able to force myself not to since i would look stupid especially the fact that i was all alone.

i still can't believe that everything i thought about us would end like this.... i am still trying to move on and live my life without you but it's really hard... i will never know... there are a lot of what if's in my head but i don't think i will ever know the answer.... i really thought we were meant to be.... but i guess i don't have any choice anymore.. do i?

MC, Nyx, and Clarissa... i know you have been there for me since day 1.. you know what i mean... it's just this is my battle... i still need all the support i could get from you... but i will have to face this thing alone to be able to really move on with my life....

birthday today

2006-12-10T11:08:00.000+08:00

Well, it's December 10, 2006... 11:11 am in my time... and I'm officially 19 years old.

Oui! J'ai 19 ans!!!!! and it sucks....

I've been through a lot lately and so far I'm still trying to recover from everything that has happened to me. I feel a bit lonely today despite the fact that everybody has greeted me a happy birthday.... but yeah... some friends told me that all the pain i'm experiencing is just a phase in my life and will soon be able to see it's worth. i believe them but i'm just too stuborn to accept that fact and still dwell in the feeling and not move on.

Anyway... for everyone who greeted me today.... THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!

shit! i'm turning 19... OMFG

2006-12-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

damn! it's 11:17pm in my time and by 12:01... i'm 19... damn!

countdown

2006-12-09T11:50:00.000+08:00

damn! just woke up again... when i woke up this morning... i was still very sleepy.. anyway... it's 11:52am in my time.... approximately 12 hours to go before i turn 19...

i will now be taking a bath and go to la salle to study for accounting... even if it's a sure fail... so that next time that i take the course.... i can get a grade of 4.0.... wish me luck....

less than 24 hours before i turn 19

2006-12-09T07:45:00.000+08:00

it's 7:48am in my time right now. i just woke up and i can feel the heaviness on my chest... (literally and figuratively)

I have approx. 17 hours before i turn 19... and i will be on my last year being a teenager... damn! i don't know what to feel.. my term was the worst ever... i've been through hell and back...

now that i am turning 19.. probably it's time for me to be more mature in everything... i try to act immature since it's the only way for me to hide my feelings and stuff.... although it has become a habit already... it would take some time for me to act the way i should... oh well...

but what i plan to do today.... well.... first of all... i need to stop smoking already... and this will be the last day that i will be smoking without any hesitation and conscience. in a filipino expression... "walang pakundangang pagyoyosi." after today... i will only try to smoke if i feel the need to.... and i think i should start saving my money.... i'm not gonna spend it on just anything anymore.... although i still want that planner from starbucks before january 1 so... it's the only luxury i will be indulging myself with for the rest of december....

anyway.. i still don't know if i have to go to school to study for intract despite the fact that i'm 100% going to fail anyway... i just think that i must at least try to not give up that easily and even try a little bit more... then by my second take.... i would be a lot wiser with it....

mixed emotions

2006-12-09T00:27:00.000+08:00

it's already 12:28 in my time, Dec 9, 2006 and missed writing in this blog before 12.

Anyway... Friday was supposed to be dedicated for our Filipi2 project. We were supposed to go to our professor's house in cavite today to show the video presentation that "we" did... So, last night... (referring to Dec 7) I asked pole what time will we be going to meet. She told me that we will be meeting @ la salle at around 11am... so went there a little bit late and received her text that we will be meeting at 1 in greenhills instead. So i asked jove and mc to accompany me at starbucks... we had our bonding moments... shared stories and stuff.... but i had to leave early since I have a meeting at 1pm at greenhills starbucks.... I left la salle starbucks at around 12:45pm... i had a feeling that they will be late anyway... I also told mc that i'll be back by 7 at la salle to have an UBE(Ultimate bonding experience) with her.....

So took the LRT and MRT.. followed pole's instruction to go to greenhills commute. I asked the jeepney driver if he knew where I was supposed to go and agreed to tell me when we have reached starbucks greenhills. And the driver didn't actually tell me.... I had a feeling that the starbucks pole mentioned was the one in the greenhills shopping center however.. i hesitated to go down since i was expecting the driver to tell me that "this is it."

I did not go down the jeepney until I saw a starbucks store... cause he told me that it was on the other side... I came from robinsons so when we reached the greenhills shopping center... it was on our side so i didn't go down... I was able to reach madison something... and there was a starbucks on the other side... i told the driver "para" and just went down.

When I was able to get to starbucks... I called up pole and told her the place and told her i'm there already. Gave the phone to marbie and said that it was not the starbucks that they had in mind. Technically I was lost, I went back to the same side i was in before and walked towards the direction of all the vehicles passing by... I reached the end of the street and asked a MMDA officer if there were any starbucks store beyond the intersection...

He told me that the only starbucks' in greenhills were the one near xavier and at the greenhills shopping mall... so called up pole again and asked her if was it in the greenhills shopping mall... and she said yes... And I was so exhausted by then...

So rode a jeepney again until I reached the greenhills shopping mall.... I was there by around 2pm already.... told pole about it and told me to just wait for them there. I looked for a store that sells smokes and just tried to explore the mall since it was my first time there... i think. it was already 3pm and the project wasn't finished yet. All i did was to wander around the mall.. checking out the stores and stuff... going out to smoke and everything a person alone and with no one to talk to could do... I tried looking for caps and wallets since I have been planning to but them more than a month ago... but I remembered... I didn't bring any cash and my mom does not know that I am in greenhills so I definitely can't use my credit cards... (I have 4 but I only bring 2)

It was already 5:30 and still had no idea where my groupmates are and what they are doing and since cavite is really far and it's already evening... I can't go with them anymore. So I just went back to la salle starbucks to meet mc... I also texted nyx but she said she didn't have any money so she didn't join us. Next time.....

MC and I bonded from 7:30 - 10-30... we left starbucks at 10 and ate at KFC (we were the last customers) until 10:30... I also saw Rykiel and she was showing me how many stamps more she needed (it was 6 but she bought another drink so... she was doen to 5)before she get's her planner. I'm was so green with envy.. haha.... Then I went to greenbelt to meet my barkada.. so that they won't label me tonight as the "dakilang indyanero." Went home by 11:50pm.. now I am home...

During our(MC and I) UBE... we were able to get to tell our stories and encouraged each other about the problems that we had... one of the things I will never forget that she told me was "NEVER PRIORITIZE THE PEOPLE WHO THINK OF YOU ONLY AS THEIR OPTION." This is so true... and I really hope I can apply this soon... I'm still not sure if i can really do it.... I really want everybody to be my friend and I really want everybody to think of me as their friend.

Yesterday (Dec 7) Nyx and I had our own UBE and I really cried my heart out.. She read me like my life story and personality was written all over my face. She made me realize that I try to please everybody and that by not being able to do that, I easily get hurt... She told me that I was too much of an idealist... it's true and Mc told me almost the same things...

I still feel down in a way since a lot of things happened to me this term... I knew this term was going to be hell... one thing's for sure... i'm gonna fail intract (intro to accounting)... i became so irresponsible this term... I had a lot to deal with and nobody to talk to at all...

(i think only clang, mc and nyx will be able to relate) I did everything I could but it just happened and there's nothing else I could do other than think positive and hope for the best. I know I will be happy someday and I know I will be sharing my happiness with you guys... love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway... now, i can really see myself 5 years from now very successful.

then again....

Nyx, you are right... I have to stop thinking about what will happen a few years from now and focus on what is now.... And i am already starting to do that... I know I will have you guys no matter what.... I can at least breathe easy and won't have to face everything on my own... I WOULD DIE FOR MY FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT... thanks!

MC, whatever happens... I will always be here for you.... and I know that you will always be here for me as well.... thanks! Now, I won't have to think of killing myself and do stuff that would make my life worse... Thanks for encouraging me and telling me that I will find what I am looking for soon....

Clang, we haven't been able to talk for a few days now. I know you're busy but I also know that you wanted me to be really happy... thanks for all the support....

an extraordinary day for me

2006-12-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

well, i have a feeling that now, i can really smile not because i am pretending to be happy but because i really am happy. i don't know what's going to happen in the future... my friend told me that i should stop thinking too much about the future and focus on what is now....

i have somehow moved on... although there is still that feeling....

but now i think i can be happy.. i know i have friends who will never leave me.... and of course i will treasure our friendship and will do everything that i can for them as well....

Clarissa, MC and of course... Nyx!.. thanks so much... i love you guys... now i know that i won't have to face everything alone... thanks so much....

last day of regular classes... part 1

2006-12-07T08:14:00.000+08:00

i woke up early today... around 7am... it's now 8:16 in my time and i have a meeting with my thesis-mates at 10am....

anyway... i was checking out the songs in the rent soundtrack. this is one of my favorite songs... this part of the movie really made me cry... for those who haven't watched the movie Rent... I really recommend that you watfh it.

Without You

MIMI

Without You

The Ground Thaws

The Rain Falls

The Grass Grows

Without You

The Seeds Root

The Flowers Bloom

The Children Play

The Stars Gleam

The poets dream

The Eagles Fly

Without You

The Earth Turns

The Sun Burns

But I Die

Without You

Without You

The Breeze Warms

The Girls Smiles

The Cloud Moves

Without You

The Tides Change

The Boys Run

The Oceans Crash

The Crowds Roar

The Days Soar

The Babies Cry

Without You

The Moon Glows

The River Flows

But I Die

Without You

ROGER

The World Revives

MIMI

Colors Renew

BOTH

But I Know

Only Blue

Lonely Blue

Within Me, Blue

Without You

MIMI

Without You

The Hand Gropes

The Ear Hears

The Pulse Beats

ROGER

Without You

The Eyes Gaze

The Legs Walk

The Lungs Breathe

BOTH

The Mind Churns

The Heart Yearns

The Tears Dry

Without You

Life Goes On

But I'm Gone

Cause I Die

ROGER

Without You

MIMI

Without You

ROGER

Without You

BOTH

Without You

out of reach

2006-12-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to: Out of Reach by Gabrielle

this is my last post in my multiply account blog and i love this song so much... i can relate to it somehow... hehe....

Verse 1

Knew the signs wasn’t right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool

Chorus

So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be

Verse 2

Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok

Chorus

But I’m So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be

Bridge

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You’ll be out of my mind
I’ll be over you

Chorus

And know I’m
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There’s a life out there for me

Clang, i think this should also be your song.... we both have to move on now...

shit!

2006-12-05T02:16:00.000+08:00

it's 2:18am in my time and i can't sleep! damnit!!! aaarg!!!! i have an 8am class today... i need to get some sleep.. i need to wake up early since i still have not yet finished most of the activities in my biology laboratory class.... and the deadline of submission is today... i think.... i hope we could get an extension....

damn!

thanks a lot clarissa

2006-12-04T20:09:00.000+08:00

You know who I dedicate this song to:
love ya'!

Constantly by M.Y.M.P.

I knew it was there
Though I tried to hide it
But the feeling just kept on shining through
Haven’t known you that long
So I try to deny it
But the feeling was much too
Much too strong

Could this be love
Deep down inside
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart

Constantly, you’re on my mind
Thinking about you all the time
I can’t sleep no matter what I do
I just keep on thinking ‘bout you

Why do I feel this way
When I know you have someone
That you’re seeing each and everyday
Should I play this game
Of just being you're friend
But i know that’s not where I want it to end

How could this be wrong
When it feels so strong
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart

No I don’t want to start No trouble
Between you and I and you lover
But I must tell you what I’m going through
Everytime you walk by I see love in your eyes

thoughts for the day

2006-12-03T20:58:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to: Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard

It's exactly 9:00pm in my time, December 3, 2006. One week from now, I'm turning 19 and I have a feeling that this is going to be my worst birthday celebration so far. I have a finals for my Introduction to Accounting on December 11, a day after my birthday. I guess I won't be able to enjoy my birthday after all. I'm turnung 19 and I still don't have a love life. So many people in the world and all I really need is one but it seems that this supposedly special person is nowhere to be found at the moment.

I feel so depressed because I don't have any idea what I am going to do with my life. A lot of people say that I'm going to be very rich someday. I have won academic related contests when I was in high school, I've won some contests in college and I have been a dean's lister once so far and still I feel something missing. And this black hole inside of me is starting to consume me. I have a feeling that I will be failing a course this term --- Introduction to Accounting ---, I'm not doing good in my other subjects, my thesismates hate me for being so careless and irresponsible, my barkada is starting to fall apart and there is someone I like so much but I don't have the courage to tell what my feelings are.

This Sunday, I was a total bum. I woke up around 11++ am and just watched TV the afternoon. I should be doing the activities that I should have passed in our Biology 1 Laboratory course months ago since all of the activities are due this Tuesday and we have an exam in our Biology 1 course tomorrow. I'm not sure but we might even have the exam in accounting tom evening since it was cancelled last thursday due to the typhoon Reming. Some of my classmates told me that it's either the exam will be on tuesday evening or just include it in the final exam for the course on December 11, 2006.

I was able to watch the replay of Samurai X : Reflection - Director's Cut. Most of it was a flashback of the series but it also gave an ending to the Samurai X series. It's sad that Kenshin/Shinta died in the arms of Kaoru but at least, he was able to be really happy in the end. I wonder, will I have the same ending?

Currently listening to: Huwag mo nang itanong by M.Y.M.P.

my saturday

2006-12-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to: The ghost of you by My Chemical Romance

It's 12:02am in my time already, December 3, 2006. Yesterday was another lonely day for me. My objectives for the day were to go to school to do the presentation for our defense on Wednesday, December 6, 2006 in our Systems Analysis and Development course in De La Salle University-Manila. I bought my camera with me to ba able to take pictures of myself with my other friends. Jamie was extremely late and as agreed by everyone in our mini-thesis group, the last person to arrive after the designated time would be treating the group for a free lunch. And so she owes us free lunch.

We started doing the presentation and ended at around 12pm. They had their lunch at Munch and I bought my food from agno and ate at the gokongwei gallery. After lunch, we had our mock demo, each of us discussing the whole proposal in front on one another giving comments and clarifying the statements.

We ended at around 3pm. I had planned earlier to meet Riva during lunch because Iya was her classmate in their make up class in ORIENT2. But my plans didn't work out as planned and was not able to say hi or even just see Iya Villania.

My barkada had also planned the day before to have another hang out in the mall or something. I send Wale a text message asking her where will we be hanging out. She told me that we will be going to SM Mall of Asia. I sent Andrew a text message and told him the plans of the barkada. I noticed that he still does not feel at home with us. He still asks for an invite and always comments that nobody invited him when we ask him why he's not with the barkada. And he's not yet the type who immediately asks and presents himself if there is a get together in the group.

After everything, I went back home since Wale did not give me a specific time and exact place on where we will be meeting. I sent Dha and her groupmates some programming codes related to connecting the database to the actual program. Did my task for our project in Biology 1 laboratory and checked my e-mail.

After that, I again asked Wale through SMS where she is and where are we going to meet in MOA. Then she replied that she won't be going with us since she has an exam in DLS-CSB tomorrow morning. She told me that Omar and company will be going to Greenbelt instead. I asked omar through SMS but did not receive an immediate reply. So I decided to go to MOA alone to buy myself a new leather wallet.

It was also my first time to go to MOA alone and commute. Nyx was also there with her family and watched a movie. Since I could not contact most of my friends and I felt tired and lazy, I just sat down at the edge on one of the plant boxes in MOA and chain smoked again. Omar told me that he was with Louie and that they were going to Rockwell to meet Kel and will be going back to Greenbelt at around 10pm. That was the time I felt really really lazy and decided to just have some time alone with myself.

As I was going home, Marica called me and I was suprised to see her there considering that MOA is so big. It was their maid's birthday and they went to MOA to somewhat celebrate. Wale was also there at MOA with her dad and his girlfriend. Wale's dad treated us to some beer and then I went home early since my mom was already frustrated and was already looking for me because it was already 10pm. I was still planning to go out with my cousin because I just didn't want to go home but since my mom was already angry, I decided not to go out anymore.

Currently listening to: Cemetery Drive by My Chemical Romance

first blog in blogger

2006-12-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

I love multiply but I have decided to create a new blog here in blogger.com. Multiply.com is for happy people and sometimes I don't feel like posting stuff there especially when I'm in a bad mood. This is my multiply site by the way: http://latos.multiply.com. Feel free to visit, it's where I upload all of my pictures.

Actually, this is not my first, I have another account but that's my secret blog and I don't intend to inform everyone I know about it.